The Daily Procrastinator

Across the country, hundreds of thousands of college students will be going on spring break this week. Let’s face it, procrastinators, those kids are a menace. Don’t go out there and risk your sanity among the inebriated youth; stay safely indoors and read The Daily Procrastinator. It’s the safer choice. We’ll have new content for you each and every day. In case you missed anything last week, let’s take a look back.

After viewing The Watchmen, Flash Cap offered his critique of Hollywood’s current movie rating system. Full frontal nudity is full frontal nudity, whether it’s computer generated or not…right?

TallGirl overheard a conversation at her local coffee shop during which several young women discussed the fallout between Rihanna and Chris Brown. What she heard blew her mind, and it will likely blow yours, too. Later in the week, TallGirl examined the xCount phenomenon on FaceBook, and she wrapped up her contributions by confessing her fear of treadmills.

BigRedPoet helped the world celebrate the 69th birthday of Chuck Norris this week by examining the star’s odd brand of fame. A few days later, he offered some pointers to help procrastinators everywhere polish their spoken English to a beautiful shine.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

I have a confession to make: I am afraid of the treadmill. 

You’re laughing. I can hear you. “It’s just like walking,” you say. “If you can walk, you can use a treadmill.” I am living proof that this is incorrect. God help me, I have never mastered this piece of equipment. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get the pace right, so I’m either scrambling like a hamster in a wheel that’s moving far too fast, or I’m slowly lumbering along, like I should be wearing a flannel shirt and have a blue ox trailing behind. And god help me when it’s time to slow the thing down and get off! I’m convinced that I’ll end up planted face-first on the ground.

I fear that I would be less graceful, ending up in a mangled heap on the floor.

I’ve never been a fan of the treadmill, but this fear has only increased with time. I have a vision of stepping at just the wrong angle and sailing off the back of this machine in front of everyone, like in some terrible Saturday Night Live sketch. This is how I’ve come to be particularly fond of the stationary bikes and the elliptical machine.

But none of these pieces of equipment will work with my beloved Nike+ sensor, which only registers the pounding gait of walking or running.  I started using this to train for my second half marathon in 2008, and I just love it.  I used it all the time back in the warmer, drier weather when outdoor workouts were possible.  Integration of my iPod music, miles and workout tracking is fantastic, plus you get this little voice telling you that you’ve had your best time or best distance ever.

But now that I’ve had a winter without it, I struggle with the idea of returning to it.  Will the little voice ask me where the heck I’ve been?  I want to tell her that I’ve been working out — no really, I swear! — but that my workouts haven’t been compatible with the little magical accelerometer in the sensor.  I want her validation and positive feedback for the 30 minutes that I spent on the elliptical this morning.  I want credit for the miles that I’ve gone this winter.  I just don’t want it quite enough to try the treadmill.

So when the winter rains finally give way to springtime sun, and I once again hit the streets with my Nike+, I hope that the little voice will be welcoming.  But I have this sneaking fear that she’ll calmly ask me where I’ve been and why the heck I couldn’t use the treadmill.