The Daily Procrastinator

Greetings, procrastinators! As you may have noticed, there was no Weekly Wrap-Up last week. Frankly, I procrastinated. I consider it my duty to let procrastination interfere with my work every now and again. Practicing what I preach, you know… Anyway, the past two weeks on The Daily Procrastinator have been as fruitful as ever, and this is your chance to make sure you didn’t miss a word of TDP’s enlightening content. Let’s consider one subject at a time.

Food: The first tasty post of the week came from BigRedPoet, who considered it his duty to make the world (or at least the world of procrastinators) aware of the glory of Squeez Bacon. Even though Magnus rained on the parade in comments, Squeez Bacon is still a great idea. TallGirl, no doubt inspired by the tantalizing possibility of a meat condiment, continued the bacon orgy with a celebration of the myocardial-infarction-inducing dish known as the Bacon Explosion. Imagine it topped with Squeez Bacon, if you dare.

Entertainment: On April 27, BigRedPoet posted a review/celebration of Led Zeppelin’s historic 1969 show in San Francisco, complete with a FANTASTIC photograph of the young Zeps doing their thing on stage. A few days later, FlashCap (he lives!) bemoaned the disparity between the comic book characters readers have come to know and love and the characters who appear on-screen in recent Marvel movies.

Technology: Magnus, assisted by a mysterious figure known only as Z, posted a list of quick-fixes and tweaks that will whip your PC into tip-top Springtime condition. I’ve used several of them already, with fantastic results. In a completely different branch of technology, BigRedPoet examined the difference between “awesome” and “lame,” as applied to three-wheeled transportation.

This picture requires no explanation. Not THIS week...

Current Events: TallGirl piped up as the voice of reason in the face of the swine-flu inspired hysteria that’s literally dominating the television and radio waves this week. I prefer TallGirl’s point of view over the popular panic. Note the irony of two bacon-inspired posts in the days preceding the swine flu outbreak.

This Crazy Life: TDP’s resident social commentator, TallGirl, weighed in on several topics in the past two weeks. She started with cosmetic surgery in suburbia. Later, she pondered the proper ratio of cream to coffee…or is that the ratio of coffee to cream? Finally, she revealed how people’s perceptions of a friend or neighbor can change simply through the revelation of a pair of enticing underpants.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

In 15 years of browsing the internet, I’ve seen every kind of bizarre, amazing, and/or appetizing web content. In fact, some days, I think there’s nothing left out there that could really make me stop and shake my head. On those days, I am wrong.

As proof of the internet’s inexhaustible supply of cool new discoveries, check out the following product, which was recently pointed out to me by a friend.

According to the product's website, "a few years after WWII ended, a young man working in a small restaurant in Sweden developed a new way to process bacon. By precooking it and blending it in a special way, he was able to make a fully cooked 100% bacon paste that could be squeezed from a tube."

When I first saw this product, I thought I was horrified and nauseated. On second thought, though, I’m pretty sure I’m thrilled and hungry. Frankly, Squeez Bacon sounds like a great idea. Nearly everything is better with bacon. For example, imagine a hamburger. Now, imagine the hamburger with bacon on it. Better, right? Now repeat the process with a slice of pizza. Now try it with a baked potato. See the pattern?

Bacon = better.

The website says, “If it’s edible, it’s better with Squeez Bacon.” I must admit that I agree. After all, “Squeez Bacon® is fully cooked 100% bacon. Due to the patented electro-mechanical process by which Squeez Bacon® is rendered, it requires no preservatives or other additives. Each serving is as healthy as real bacon, and equivalent to 4 premium slices of bacon!” I simply can’t argue with that.

Put it on toast and eggs! Sushi! Canteloupe! Hash browns! Pizza! Heck, put it on your BACON!

At $7.99 per tube, Squeez Bacon is a steal! Here’s your homework, procrastinators: Get some Squeez Bacon. Put it on a random food. Take a picture. Post a link to your picture as a comment on this post. Happy eating!