The Daily Procrastinator

Here at The Daily Procrastinator, we know that those hours between 8:00 and 5:00 can be a real bore. Staring at the stack of papers on your desk or avoiding the list of tasks your manager expects you to accomplish can be stressful, exhausting business. For your benefit, procrastinator, we published a series of tantalizing and time-consuming articles this week. In case you missed any of them, here’s a list of the topics we covered:

Office Life: TallGirl commented on the interesting variety of spam email she receives, as well as her continuing love affair with paper in a world which is supposedly becoming a paperless utopia.

Music: Addressing both ends of the musical spectrum, Juggernaut offered his thoughts about Lamb Of God’s new album, Wrath, while BigRedPoet celebrated the White House’s decision to award Stevie Wonder the Gershwin Award. FlashCap added to this week’s celebration of music with his Sonnet To Sirius and XM Radio.

Obscure Vocabulary: If you can’t use the word “amanuensis” in a sentence, take heart! TallGirl couldn’t use it either, until just the other day. That’s uh-MAN-yoo-EN-sis, by the way.

Sports: Although Terrell Owens’ unemployment was short-lived, it was still the highlight of BigRedPoet’s month.

Medicine and/or PseudoScience: Do nutritional supplements and herbal remedies actually help people avoid getting sick? TallGirl is 97% sure they don’t, but she uses them anyway. Why?

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

I spent a bit of time clearing out my spam folder tonight, and I’ve tried to piece together a little personality profile based on the emails I’ve received.

I’m rich.  Just this weekend alone, I won more than $27 million ($27,000,000) U.S. dollars through various internet lotteries and the gracious kindness of strangers who have willed me money.  This is far more profitable than my writing gig, and with far less effort.  All I have to do is contact a handful of individuals in various nations, and I’m betting that by the end of the month I’ll be set for life.

I’m cheap.  I have 27 unpaid item disputes on eBay.  How thoughtless of me.  While most just list random auction numbers without detail, some actually give insightful information.  I’ve evidently been bidding on everything from cars to — quite inexplicably — vintage Barbie dolls.

There’s irony.  Someone wants to teach me how to make millions on eBay.  Evidently they haven’t seen my track record of 27 unpaid items.  And I’m personally captivated by, “I hope you find my information helping you.”  Indeed I do.

I’m small.  It appears that in addition to everything else in my life, I have a very small penis.  Unusually small.  So small that I am unable to satisfy women.  ”Be the man she really wants.”  You mean without gender reassignment surgery?  This puts my crush on Felicia Day in a whole new light, doesn’t it?

I hope that this personality profile helps you to learn a little bit more about the person behind the TallGirl persona.