The Daily Procrastinator

Welcome back to “Beast or Bust?”, the weekly column in which I, BigRedPoet, offer my predictions for the following week’s NFL games in the hope that you can use this information to improve your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who’s projected to score less than 5 points, and who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

As it turns out, I’m finding that 5 points is a REALLY big margin of difference between the projections and these guys’ actual performances. This is difficult! My win/loss ratio is starting to look laughable. Think you can do better? I challenge you to post comments with your own beast, bust, and OMG.

Week 7 Beast: 49ers WR Michael Crabtree

Well, look who decided to accept the paltry sum of 17 million dollars (at the very least, and 40 million at best) to finally come play some football. Even though I think his holdout was one of the premiere bonehead moves of the decade, I can’t deny that Michael Crabtree is a beast. According to official reports, Crabtree is going to be on the field often during the 49ers’ week 7 game, and there’s a “strong possibility” that he will start. I wouldn’t be surprised, considering that the other WR options in San Francisco are Isaac “Grandpa” Bruce and Josh “Who?” Morgan. Projected for just 6.25 points, equal to 62 total yards, Crabtree possesses the talents to eclipse those numbers by a mile, particularly against Houston’s fairly user-friendly defense. This will be Crabtree’s first NFL game, and trusting a total greenhorn is always a risk, but I see enough upside here to start him at WR3 in just about any league.

My Prediction: 80 yards, 1 touchdown

Week 7 Bust: Panthers WR Steve Smith

That’s right. I’m calling out former monster Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers, even though he’s only projected for 7.6 points, to fall short of his projections by five. I don’t think he’s gonna do jack in week 7. Take a look at the situation: 1) Jake Delhomme is terrible. He’s a turnover machine. To quote Brad Evans, I’ve turned “Delhommophobic.” 2) Carolina faces Buffalo in week 7, a team that surrenders a league-worst 181.2 yards per game rushing. DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart are going to carry the ball constantly, particularly since Dehomme sucks. 3) The entire defensive backfield will be focused on shutting Smith down. Carolina’s only other WR is Muhsin Muhammad, who I trust about as far as Delhomme can throw. 4) Smith is at odds with his team, sayin after last week’s game that he “no longer feels like an asset” to the Panthers. That can’t be good. Smith’s week is doomed, procrastinators.

My Prediction: 2 catches, 20 yards, no touchdowns

Week 7 OMG: Vikings WR Sidney Rice

We all know that the Vikings are still Adrian Peterson’s team, but the addition of Favre has breathed considerable life back into the Minnesota passing game. Rice is an emerging young talent who’s posted a couple of outstanding stat lines this season, particularly last week, as he caught 6 passes for 176 yards. I don’t think he’s likely to repeat that monster performance this week, but he’s in a position to score pretty well. The Vikings are likely to go to the air often against the Steelers, who are awfully stout against the run. Projected for just 5.04, equal to 50 total yards, Rice will prove useful to fantasy owners with the guts to start him.

My prediction: 70 yards, 1 touchdown

I’m all about accountability. Each week, after I offer my predictions, I’ll take credit for the previous week’s success and/or eat crow over last week’s dismal failure.

Week 6 Picks

• Beast: Nate Burleson
• Projected Score: 9.79
• Actual Score: 4.0

Allow me to quote rotowire.com: Seattle had a dreadful game offensively, and Burleson had a season-low five targets. It’s all the more disappointing considering the Seahawks were facing the league’s worst pass defense. The conditions were right. The Seahawks blew it. I lose.

• Bust: Clinton Portis
• Projected Score: 14.27
• Actual Score: 10.4

At this point, I’m a victim to my own rules. Portis did underperform, but not as miserably as I needed him to in order to fulfill my “five points under” requirement. I REALLY want partial credit, here. I didn’t make provisions for that, though. I lose. Crap.

• OMG: Kellen Winslow
• Projected Score: 4.95
• Actual Score: 2.9

Huh. I guess catching everything in his general vicinity and scoring two touchdowns in week 5 isn’t enough to make the Bucs trust Winslow with a few targets in week 6. I’m baffled. I lose.

BRP’s win/loss ratio: 4/14

Welcome back to “Beast or Bust?”, the weekly column in which I, BigRedPoet, offer my predictions for the following week’s NFL games in the hope that you can use this information to improve your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who’s projected to score less than 5 points, and who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

As it turns out, I’m finding that 5 points is a REALLY big margin of difference between the projections and these guys’ actual performances. This is difficult! My win/loss ratio is starting to look laughable. Think you can do better? I challenge you to post comments with your own beast, bust, and OMG.

Week 6 Beast: Seahawks WR Nate Burleson

Burleson has been a bit sketchy so far this season, to say the least. In fact, according to Yahoo, he’s only owned in 80% of leagues. If he’s a free agent in your league, go add him. Now. Burleson’s poor performances in the early weeks had a name: Seneca Wallace. With Seahawks starting QB Matt Hasselbeck sidelined by injury, the ‘Hawks were forced to start Wallace, who just isn’t good. Last week, being targeted by a healthy Hasselbeck, Burleson caught 6 passes for 98 yards and two touchdowns. This week, in The Batttle Of The Birds, the Seahawks face the Cardinals, who have the league’s worst pass defense. Expect Burleson to have another huge game. Projected for just 9.79 points, equal to 97 total yards or 37 total yards and a touchdown, Burleson is poised to defy expectations.

My prediction: 120 yards, 1-2 touchdowns

Bonus Beast: Eagles TE Brent Celek

Week 6 Bust: Redskins RB Clinton Portis

Sure, Portis had a good week last week, posting 74 yards and two touchdowns. Let’s look back into weeks 1-4, though. He scored 7.2, 8.8, 4.8, and 9.8 points in the season’s first four contests. This week, Yahoo is projecting Portis for 14.27 points against the Chiefs, which would require 142 total yards or 82 yards and a touchdown. Granted, the Chiefs suck. On the other hand, Portis is older than God, and he’s suffering from the cumulative effects of various injuries. The most recent is a calf issue which has him listed on this week’s injury report and participating only partially in practice. Adding to my skepticism, the Chiefs’ front line is banged up this week, and they’ll be starting some second-stringers. I just don’t trust this situation. Call it a hunch. Call it his performance early this season. Call it whatever you want, but make sure you put Portis on the bench this week.

My prediction: 75 yards, no touchdowns

Week 6 OMG: Buccaneers TE Kellen Winslow

I know that Winslow has really only had one big week this season. I also know that the Bucs, as a general rule, are bad. On the other hand, I know that Kellen Winslow has a ton and a half of raw talent, and his week 6 opponent, Carolina, although they’re awfully good at shutting down wide receivers, has major struggles covering tight ends. Last week, Winslow hauled in 9 catches for 102 yards and two touchdowns. Quarterback Josh Johnson MUST have noticed. On a team where the only other reliable receiver is Antonio Bryant, who’s  currently hobbled by knee issues, Winslow is by far the most likely Bucs player to post useful fantasy numbers in week 6. While he’s projected for 4.95 points, equal to just 49 total yards, I think the can have a considerably better day as Johnson’s go-to guy.

My prediction: 65 yards, 1 touchdown

I’m all about accountability. Each week, after I offer my predictions, I’ll take credit for the previous week’s success and/or eat crow over last week’s dismal failure.

Week 5 Picks

• Beast: Bernard Berrian
• Projected Score: 7.0
• Actual Score: 3.9

What can I say? I’m starting to think that being chosen as BRP’s Beast is the kiss of death. It’s like the Best New Artist grammy or the cover of Madden. I lose.

• Bust: Tim Hightower
• Projected Score: 11.71
• Actual Score: 10.7

Sigh. Contrary to the “BRP Beast Effect,” it seems that being chosen as the Bust virtually assures a player of having a decent week. I lose. Again.

• OMG: Mohamed Massaquoi
• Projected Score: 2.97
• Actual Score: 1.6

Are you still reading my predictions under the illusion that they’re going to help you? If so, I’m afraid that you might need to think twice about where you get your fantasy advice. I lose. Again. Again.

BRP’s win/loss ratio: 4/11

Welcome back to “Beast or Bust?”, the weekly column in which I, BigRedPoet, offer my predictions for the following week’s NFL games in the hope that you can use this information to improve your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who’s projected to score less than 5 points, and who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

As it turns out, I’m finding that 5 points is a REALLY big margin of difference between the projections and these guys’ actual performances. This is difficult! My win/loss ratio is starting to look laughable. Think you can do better? I challenge you to post comments with your own beast, bust, and OMG.

Week 5 Beast: Vikings WR Bernard Berrian

Berrian’s receptions and yards have been awfully consistent this year. He went 4/81, 6/46, 4/56, and 6/75 and a TD in the fist four weeks of the season. Last week, in his first contest againt the Packers, Vikings QB Favre stepped up his game to a level I haven’t seen from him in a long long time, completing 24 of 31 for 271 yards and 3 TDs. It was a pretty inspired performance, and all over the country people suddenly realized that while, yes, this is still AP’s team, the passing game can work, too. The Vikings face the pathetic defense of the Rams this week, and I expect Favre to have another big day. One of the beneficiaries of his success will be downfield threat Bernard Berrian. Yahoo projects just 7.0 points for Berrian, which equals 70 total yards or 10 total yards and a touchdown. Even though AP is going to return to his role of carrying this team on his back, Favre will go downfield when the Rams put about ten guys in the box.

My prediction: 5 catches, 85 yards, 1 TD 

Week 5 Bust: Cardinals RB Tim Hightower

Several factors lead me to believe that Hightower is fully benchable this week. First of all, he’s only had one decent game this year. Against San Francisco in week 1 and Indy in week 3, he was absolutely shut down, gaining a combined 37 yards on a combined 17 carries. Granted, he rushes against the Texans in week 5, and the Texans’ run defense is pretty miserable. However, that leads me to reason number two: the Texans have a remarkably potent offense, as do the Cardinals. This game is going to be a shootout, and running backs generally don’t fare too well in such games. Warner, Fitz, and Boldin could have huge days. Heck, Steve Breaston and Jerheme Urban might even post semi-useful fantasy stats, but I’m betting Hightower gets left out in the cold. One of his main strengths is catching the ball out of the backfield, in which case he becomes the linebackers’ problem more than the defensive line’s. It just so happens that (reason three) the Texans have a pretty solid group of linebackers, including standout rookie Brian Cushing and every-year beast DeMeco Ryans. Although Yahoo is predicting 11.71 points for Hightower, equal to 117 total yards or 51 total yards and a touchdown, I just don’t see it happening.

My prediction: 65 yards rushing, no TDs

Week 5 OMG:Browns WR Mohamed Massoquoi

The Browns have finally parted ways with Braylon “Banana Hands” Edwards, trading him to the Jets for “wide receiver Chansi Stuckey, linebacker Jason Trusnik and two undisclosed draft choices,” according to online reports. Braylon is a beast in the raw talent department, but he’s always been a bit of a bust in the area of refined skills. Here’s hoping New York treats him well. Meanwhile, back in the MidWest, Mohamed Massaquoi just rose to the top of Cleveland’s depth chart. While the teams roster lists exactly zero talented quarterbacks, somebody has to catch the ball once in a while. He caught just one pass in each of his first two games of the season, but he showed off his potentially eye-popping talent in week 4, catching 8 passes for 148 yards. The Browns face Buffalo in week 5, and the Bills are giving up 226 passing yards per game this season, surrendering 6 touchdowns through the air so far. Projected for just 2.97 fantasy points, equal to just under 30 total yards, Massaquoi will prove the Yahoo prognosticators wrong.

My prediction: 5 catches, 105 yards, 1 TD 

I’m all about accountability. Each week, after I offer my predictions, I’ll take credit for the previous week’s success and/or eat crow over last week’s dismal failure.

Week 4 Picks

• Beast: Cedric Benson
• Projected Score: 15.05
• Actual Score: 8.6

Some people have argued that Cedric Benson is physically incapable of being a reliable fantasy RB option. Until this week, I thought ol’ Ced was proving them wrong in 2009. Then he choked against the Bengals. I was surprised, but I guess I shouldn’t have been. Choking at inopportune moments is the defintion of “unreliable,” right? I lose.

• Bust: Thomas Jones
• Projected Score: 9.2
• Actual Score: 10.8

I predicted Jones for 40 yards and no touchdowns. Unfortunately, he managed 48 yards (I was close!) but also managed to stumble across the goal line. It was an uninspiring performance, but I still lose.

• OMG: Earl Bennett
• Projected Score: 4.77
• Actual Score: 3.2

Huh. This makes three in a row. I may need to give up this prognistication business. Apparently, I don’t have the gift. This should be obvious, as I’m 0-4 in one of my fantasy leagues. Of course, I’m 4-0 in the other, so I may keep plugging along.

BRP’s win/loss ratio: 4/8

Welcome back to “Beast or Bust?”, the weekly column in which I, BigRedPoet, offer my predictions for the following week’s NFL games in the hope that you can use this information to improve your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who’s projected to score less than 5 points, and who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

Week 4 Beast: Bengals RB Cedric Benson

Last year (and the year before, and the year before that) it looked like Benson’s beastly college career just didn’t translate into the NFL. In 2009, though, the Coolio lookalike is running like a new man. So far, he’s posted 76 yards and a TD against Denver, 141 yards against Green Bay, and 76 yards and a TD against Pittsburgh. Those are three pretty stout defenses. Benson’s week 4 opponent, Cleveland, is decidedly not stout. In fact, they’re giving up 184 yards per game to opposing RBs this season. They’ve given up 8 rushing TDs in three weeks. Benson is the only guy carrying the ball in Cincinati. He’s going to blow up against the Browns. Yahoo projects 15.05 points, which would require either 150 total yards or 90 total yards and a touchdown. I would never have said this in past years, but I think Benson can outscore those numbers considerably.

My prediction: 120 yards, 2 touchdowns

Bonus Beast: 49ers RB Glen Coffee

He’s projected for 13.03, but he’s going to TORCH the Rams. ‘Nuff said.

(Edit: Look here. Evans is stealin’ my ideas. I wrote it first!)

Week 4 Bust: Jets RB Thomas Jones

In week 1, Jones blew up against the Texans, and fantasy football owners swooned with visions that he was the same back who kicked some serious ass in 2008. In the two weeks since, though, he’s been a genuine dud. He carried 14 times for 54 yards in week 2 (3.9 average), and earned just 20 yards on 14 carries in week 3 (1.4 average). Ouch. This week, the Jets face New Orleans. The Saints are almost certain to open up a huge lead early, and the Jets will be forced to throw the ball in an effort to keep up. To complicate matters, Jones is splitting carries with Leon Washington, who has looked pretty impressive, averaging 4.0 yards per carry on the season. Between the Jets’ need to throw, Jones’ loathsome performances in the past couple weeks, and Leon Washington’s intrusion, I just don’t trust Thomas Jones to earn the 9.2 points Yahoo is projecting for him. Look for him to crash and burn.

My prediction: 40 yards, no touchdowns

Week 4 OMG: Bears WR Earl Bennett

Earl Bennett is quietly having a strong season in the Bears’ WR corps. He’s racked up 13 receptions (tied for team lead) for 168 yards (second on the team). He’s established himself as a reliable target for Cutler. As the Bears face the miserable Lions this weekend, Bennett will post another handful of receptions. I also think he’ll find the end zone for the first time this year. The Detroit defense is likely to focus heavily on Devin Hester, who is Cutler’s primary downfield threat, and Bennett will be able to find holes in the coverage. Projected for just 4.77 points, Bennett will be a pleasant surprise in week 4.

My prediction: 60 yards, 1 touchdown

I’m all about accountability. Each week, after I offer my predictions, I’ll take credit for the previous week’s success and/or eat crow over last week’s dismal failure.

Week 3 Picks

• Beast: Matt Forte
• Projected Score: 13.75
• Actual Score: 10.6

Well. I don’t know what to say here except that I’m genuinely surprised. Forte’s sophomore slump appears to be more drastic than I’d imagined. He’s carried 59 times for 150 yards on the season, which gives him an average of 2.5 yards per carry. He hasn’t scored a touchdown yet, either. I humbly apologize to any fantasy owner who took my advice and placed faith in Forte to break out against the wimpy Seahawks defense. I lose.

• Bust: Mario Manningham
• Projected Score: 12.75
• Actual Score: 5.5

My prediction for Manningham was 65 yards and no touchdowns. It turns out that he decided to further emphasize his Bust status by gaining just 55 yards. He may blow up occasionally, but this guy is not an every-week auto start. I win.

• OMG: Eddie Royal
• Projected Score: 4.06
• Actual Score: 0.4

Damn. I felt really good about Royal’s chances to come to life. While this pick results in a resounding loss for me, I’m not giving up on Royal. In fact, one owner in my league *coughFlashCapcough* dropped him out of spite, and I’ve picked him up and plan to start him in week 4. He’s too good to stay dormant.

• BRP’s win/loss ratio: 4/5

Welcome back to “Beast or Bust?”, the weekly column in which I, BigRedPoet, offer my predictions for the following week’s NFL games in the hope that you can use this information to improve your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who’s projected to score less than 5 points, and who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

Week 3 Beast: Bears RB Matt Forte

It’s time for Forte to break out. I know he carried the ball 25 times for just 55 yards in week 1, and I saw that he gained a paltry 29 yards on 13 carries in week 2. Before anyone jumps off the bandwagon, we should all take a look at the defenses he ran against in those games, Green Bay and (God forbid) Pittsburgh. They’re both pretty solid against the run. Also, look back at last season. Forte totaled 1238 yards and 8 touchdowns. This guy is good. Projected for just 13.75 points this week, equal to 137 combined yards or 77 combined yards and a touchdown, I think he’ll exceed expectations considerably. After all, Frank Gore ran for 207 yards and two touchdowns last week against Forte’s week 3 opponent, the Seahawks.

• My prediction: 110 yards, 2 touchdowns

Week 3 Bust: Giants WR Mario Manningham

Manningham caught 10 passes for 150 yards and a touchdown last week. Six million fantasy football players immediately ran out and added him to their rosters. I’m not buying it. Look back at his totals from week 1: 3 catches for 58 yards and a touchdown. Now look back at his totals for ALL of last season combined: 4 catches for 26 yards and zero touchdowns. Now, let’s play Q&A. Is Manningham stepping up in the Giants’ offense and helping to fill the role vacated by 50 Cent…err…Plaxico Burress? Indeed, he is. Does he have any kind of history to establish him as a go-to guy for Manning? No. Are the Giants a pass-heavy team? Certainly not. Will he score the 12.75 points that are projected for him this week? Not a chance. The Giants’ week 3 opponent, Tampa Bay, is hardly a defensive powerhouse, and I’m guessing that the G-Men will return to their base strategy of running the ball and working the clock.

Note: I’m disagreeing with other “experts,” here. Who do you trust?

• My prediction: 65 yards, no touchdowns

Week 3 OMG: Broncos WR Eddie Royal

Like Forte, Eddie Royal has started slowly this year. He’s getting used to a new quarterback, and the team is dealing with the hassle of prima donna Brandon Marshall. Even so, it’s time for Royal to get back on his game. The Raiders have the best cornerback in the league in Nnamdi Asomugha (that’s NOM-dee AH-sum-WAH), but he can’t cover both Eddie Royal and Brandon Marshall. There will be an open receiver someplace. Royal posted fantastic numbers in his rookie campaign last season, and he’s had several weeks to perfect his timing with new Broncos QB Kyle Orton. I think it’s time to return to the spotlight. Projected for just 4.06 points, Royal will step up and contribute considerably to the Broncos’ offense.

• My prediction: 85 yards, no touchdowns

I’m all about accountability. Each week, after I offer my predictions, I’ll take credit for the previous week’s success and/or eat crow over last week’s dismal failure.

Week 2 Picks

• Beast: Panthers RB DeAngelo Williams
• Projection: 12.14
• Actual: 15.1 points

Damn. Williams looked pretty good against the Falcons, but he didn’t put on the clinic I hoped for. He exceeded his projections by 3 points, but I don’t win until 5. I really want to take credit, here, but rules are rules. I didn’t make any allowances for partial credit, so…I lose.

• Bust: Cowboys RB Marion Barber
• Projection: 11.25 points
• Actual: 21.5 points

Well, look who made BRP look stupid. I guess Barber should come with a fine-print warning, like the commercials for investment funds: “Past performance is not a guarantee of future returns.” Barber had a huge game against the Giants. I’m still shocked. I lose.

• OMG: Saints WR Devery Henderson
• Projection: 4.43 points
• Actual: 7.1 points

Henderson didn’t exactly wreck shop in week 2, but he wasn’t as transparent as his projections predicted, either. His 71 yards were a significant contribution to the Saints’ offense, and his 7.1 points exceeded the contributions of star receivers like T.J. Who’s-Yo-Mama, Hines Ward, and Bernard Berrian. I win.

• BRP’s Win/Loss Ratio: 3/3

Welcome back to “Beast or Bust?”, the weekly column in which I, BigRedPoet, offer my predictions for the following week’s NFL games in the hope that you can use this information to improve your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who’s projected to score less than 5 points, and who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

Week 2 Beast: Panthers RB DeAngelo Williams

Last year, DeAngelo Williams was an absolute BEAST in the second half of the season, and he carried many fantasy owners into the postseason. He looks to return to those days in week 2. Williams picked up just 37 yards on 14 carries in week one, but that was against an outstanding Eagles DEF. This week, he’ll bounce back against the Falcons. The Atlanta DEF allowed 96 yards on 22 carries in week 1, for an average of 4.4 YPC. If there’s any back in the league who can turn a short gain into a touchdown in the blink of an eye, it’s Williams (or Adrian Peterson). Yahoo projects him to post 12.14 points this week, which would require either 121 combined yards or 61 combined yards and a touchdown. With Delhomme struggling badly at QB and Jonathan Stewart still on the mend, look for DeAngelo to exceed his projections by a mile.

• My Prediction: 90 total yards, 2 TDs

Week 2 Bust: Cowboys RB Marion Barber

I’m going out on a limb, here. I’m also risking the wrath of FlashCap. Yahoo predicts that Barber will score 11.25 points this week, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen. For starters, he’s running against a perennial defensive powerhouse in the New York Giants. In two games against the Cowboys last year, the G-Men held Barber to 56 yards on 26 carries. Ouch. Additionally, Tony Romo was slinging the ball pretty well last week (at least in the second half), and it doesn’t seem likely that he’ll stop. The Cowboys’ change-of-pace back Felix Jones is bad news for Barber, too. Last week, he swiped 6 carries out of Barber’s workload. By theorizing that Barber will gain 5 full points less than his projected 11.25, I’m betting on a pretty miserable day. I might get burned, but I’m going with my gut. FlashCap is welcome to pen a rebuttal.

• My Prediction: 45 yards, no TDs

Week 2 OMG: New Orleans WR Devery Henderson

Henderson is projected for just 4.43 points in week 2, which assumes that he’ll gain 44 yards and not score a touchdown. After watching the Saints in week 1, I’m not willing to predict ANY of their WRs for such a lowly week. Henderson led the team with 103 yards receiving on Sunday, and he also found the end zone. While this week’s opponent, the Eagles, is vastly more powerful on defense than the Lions that Henderson faced in week 1, I still think he can have a good day at WR. With Brees absolutely on fire, I’d start Henderson with confidence.

• My Prediction: 50 yards, 1 TD

I’m all about accountability. Each week, after I offer my predictions, I’ll take credit for the previous week’s success and/or eat crow over last week’s dismal failure.

Week 1 Picks

• Beast: 49ers RB Frank Gore
• Projection: 11.72 points
• Actual: 16.8 points

It wasn’t pretty, but Gore took care of business. He managed just 30 yards on 22 carries, but he crossed the goal line on one of them. The big back also caught 3 passes for 18 yards and another touchdown. In the end, only the fantasy points count. I said he’d exceed his projection by at least 5, and he proved me right. He gained 5.08 points more than Yahoo predicted. I win.

• Bust: Steelers RB Willie Parker
• Projection: 12.94 points
• Actual: 2.4 points

Parker gained just 19 yards on 13 carries in week 1. While his yards-per-carry average is similar to Gore’s, he didn’t manage to stagger across the goal line. He also managed to catch one pass for 5 yards. Overall, Parker fell short of his projection by 10.54 points. I win again.

• OMG: Browns WR Mike Furrey
• Projection: 3.2 points
• Actual: 2.8 points

The Browns’ offense didn’t exactly blow up against the Vikings in week 1. Although Furrey got a share of looks and caught four passes, they were all for relatively short gains, and he totaled just 28 yards on the day. I consider him a decent play heading forward, but he didn’t deliver the “unexpected and outstanding performance” I had hoped for. I lose.

• BRP’s Win/Loss Ratio: 2/1

Greetings, procrastinators! After a lengthy summer absence, I’ve returned to The Daily Procrastinator. I hope each of you shirked your responsibilities effectively while I was away shirking mine.

Welcome to the first-ever edition of “Beast or Bust?”, a weekly feature in which I, Big Red Poet, will offer some predictions, advice, and general thoughts about the week’s upcoming NFL games. My hope is that you’ll be able to use this advice to benefit your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

Week 1 Beast:49ers RB Frank Gore

Gore’s projections for this week theorize that he’ll earn 11.72 fantasy points, which would require only 117 combined yards or 57 combined yards and a touchdown. He’s going to blow those numbers away. As one of the few remaining true “featured backs” in the NFL, Gore will carry the ball almost constantly. 49ers QB Shaun Hill is serviceable, but he’s no rock star. This is still Gore’s offense. Did I mention that he’s a tough goal-line runner, too? Between carrying the ball 20+ times and serving as Hill’s checkdown option, I’m guessing Gore will get close to 30 touches on Sunday. That’ll easily be enough to far outgain the 11.72 fantasy points Yahoo predicts for him.

• My predictions: 105 total yards, 1-2 touchdowns

Week 1 Bust: Steelers RB Willie Parker

Parker is projected to score 12.94 fantasy points, which requires him to gain 130 combined rushing and receiving yards or gain 70 combined yards and score a touchdown. I don’t buy it. For starters, he’s been nursing a hamstring injury that limited him to exactly four carries in the preseason. It doesn’t seem likely that he’s reached game speed. Additionally, Parker is coming off the lowest-scoring season of his career (791 yards). Meanwhile, up-and-coming star Rashard Mendenhall will make his presence known in the Pittsburgh backfield, and he could cut into Parker’s carries considerably if he performs well. The worst news for Parker, though, is Pittsburgh’s week 1 opponent, the Tennessee Titans. A perennial defensive powerhouse, the Titans held Parker to 31 yards on 19 carries when they met last season. He’s not likely to get stuffed that badly again, but Parker isn’t going to post the 12.94 points Yahoo is projecting.

• My predictions: 78 yards, no touchdowns

Week 1 OMG:Browns WR Mike Furrey

Last year, Braylon Edwards couldn’t catch a cold, much less a football. (Maybe he should use those hoagie-catching gloves Andre Johnson hawks on TV.) In the offseason, Donte Stallworth got himself into a bit of legal trouble. In an effort to beef up their receiving corps a bit, the Browns have picked up veteran Mike Furrey. Furrey runs some pretty nifty routes, and he’s only a few years removed from a rock-solid season in Detroit. The Browns face the daunting Vikings defense this weekend, and old man Jamal Lewis isn’t going to see an inch of daylight. The Cleveland QB (whoever he is…the coaching staff hasn’t announced a starter yet) will have to go to the air often. Furrey is going to get his share of looks. Projected for just 32 yards, I suspect the bearded veteran to deliver a surprise performance. He’s not going to carry your team to victory single-handed, but he’ll be a solid WR3 play.

• My predictions: 75 yards

Well, procrastinators, there you have ‘em…your Beast, your Bust, and your OMG. I invite you to praise my wisdom, ridicule my ignorance, or offer your own predictions in the comment section.

I’ll gloat and/or eat crow next week when I deliver my thoughts on week 2.

A couple days ago, the Cowboys cut wide receiver Terrell Owens from their roster. So far, no other NFL team has offered him a job. I couldn’t be more thrilled. In fact, I’m grinning from ear to ear. This is glorious. It’s like watching while Paris Hilton falls down the stairs or Ashley Simpson flees the stage after her lip-sync routine crashes and burns. Witnessing such things, one is compelled by custom to feel bad, but it’s hard to do so when you know that the victims of such pratfalls deserve every moment.

Terrell Owens: talented wide receiver and complete ass-hat. Three different uniforms? That's no coincidence.

Terrell Owens (or T.O., as he’s known) is one of those guys who believes his individual glory is more important than the success of his team. He fights with his coaches and quarterbacks, sulks like a child on the sidelines when he doesn’t feel he’s getting the ball often enough, and makes negative comments to the press about his team. Every team he’s ever played for has experienced some sort of middle-school drama because he behaves like a petulant pre-teen. Owens is a gifted wide receiver, but his on-field contributions to his teams have never outweighed the problems he causes on the sidelines, in the locker room, and in the public eye.

In discussing this joyful turn of events with a friend of mine, he summed up the situation perfectly: “Hall of Fame players don’t get traded, and they sure as hell don’t get cut.” I concur. Owens’ legacy in the NFL will not be recorded in the Hall of Fame as a tremendously talented wide-out. Instead, it will be recorded in the memories of unimpressed fans who grew tired of watching a grown man pout.

According to profootballtalk.com, the following teams have “already said they’re not interested” in signing the newly unemployed Owens:

• The Dallas Cowboys (Duh.)
• The New York Giants
• The Washington Redskins
• The Baltimore Ravens
• The San Francisco 49ers
• The Minnesota Vikings
• The Atlanta Falcons
• The Cleveland Browns
• The San Diego Chargers
• The Philadelphia Eagles
• The New York Jets
• The Tennessee Titans
• The St. Louis Rams
• The New Orleans Saints
• The Houston Texans
• The Jacksonville Jaguars
• The Miami Dolphins are expected to join the list soon.

News flash, Mr. Owens–You’re not bigger than professional football. You’re not bigger than your team. You’re a little fish in a big, big pond, and right now, the guy who mops the locker room is more gainfully employed than you are. Nice work.

EDIT: In the few hours since I wrote this post, the Dolphins have indeed joined the list. Likewise, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Oakland Raiders have publicly declared that they don’t want Terrell Owens. When the Raiders don’t want you, you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

SECOND EDIT: Owens signed with the Buffalo Bills today. While my brief revel in his unemployment is over, the fact that he’s now playing for a decidedly second-tier team still makes me smile. I will take wagers on the start date of the drama in Buffalo. Meanwhile, I’d like to be a fly on the wall when T.O. hangs out with Marshawn Lynch.

We’ve had another busy week at The Daily Procrastinator, and now is the time to make sure none of the articles escaped your notice!

The week began appropriately with a heart-related post on Valentine’s Day, when TallGirl offered her thoughts and reminders about congenital heart defects in babies, particularly the condition known as tetralogy of fallout.

The Procrastinator also served up a piping-hot plate of tasty tidbits for sports fans this week. BigRedPoet took a satirical look at the criminals of the NFL, while Juggernaut voiced his thoughts on A-Roid’s recent admissions.

FlashCap posted the second installment of Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and the Zombies, in which the first Zombie rears his ugly, undead head. If you missed part one, check it out before reading this week’s installment!

TallGirl pondered many aspects of modern life this week, including her love of reading, an amazing website that offers aerial photographs from across the decades, and finding extra time in the day by watching less television.

Finally, BigRedPoet wrapped up the week with an announcement concerning National Margarita Day.

Visit The Daily Procrastinator at any of the links above and sign up to receive daily email updates so you never miss an article!

The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

The American way of life is under attack yet again. Ruthless and unscrupulous law enforcement officials have once again given us proof that they will stop at nothing to hinder our freedom, our liberty, and our entertainment. Another NFL player has been victimized by law enforcement. As Americans, we must rise up and cry out to our government, “We will not stand for police persecution of our NFL players! Such actions infringe upon our way of life and our playoff hopes!”

On Wednesday, February 11, Buffalo Bills running back Marshawn Lynch was arrested in Culver City, California on felony charges for possession of a concealed firearm. According to police reports, officers searched a Mercedes-Benz in which Mr. Lynch was a passenger, discovering the loaded handgun. When contacted for a comment, Lynch’s lawyer said that the running back was not involved in a traffic incident. Mr. Lynch is a law-abiding citizen, and this police harassment must cease immediately. What kind of country do we live in when a person who is not committing a traffic violation can still be arrested for a crime?

Marshawn Lynch: Is this the face of a criminal?

According to The Los Angeles County Sheriff Department’s inmate database, Lynch was booked at 7:12 p.m. Wednesday night. He was released at 8:45 p.m. on $3500 bond. Detaining Mr. Lynch for over an hour and a half and forcing him to spend .00018% of his current $19 million dollar contract simply because he possessed a loaded illegal firearm is ludicrous. Clearly, this man is a Pro Bowl quality running back, and he lives a high-risk lifestyle, filled with situations that call for him to defend himself by gunfire. One can only hope that he is not convicted, for without his services, the Buffalo running game will fall apart completely, ruining any chance the Bills have of making the playoffs next year.

The truly disturbing part of Lynch’s arrest is that it is not an isolated incident. Just a few months ago, New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress was arrested and charged with illegal weapons possession in New York when he accidentally discharged a handgun in a nightclub, shooting himself in the leg. He will face trial on March 31, and will serve a mandatory minimum of three and a half years in prison if he is convicted. Evidence, including a nasty scar on his leg and the testimony of hundreds of witnesses, is expected to make his conviction likely, but his lawyers remain hopeful that the jurors will reach a fair, just, and unbiased verdict of “not guilty.” The Giants are surely hoping for acquittal as well. Without his services, they stumbled in the 2008 playoffs and lost to Philadelphia. The Giants showed their faith in Mr. Burress by lifting his suspension on February 11, knowing they need him back for next season.

Plaxico Burress: Another upstanding citizen who's suffering unfair ridicule.

Law enforcement’s harassment of these entertainment professionals is inexcusable. Like Mr. Lynch, Mr. Burress has a right to defend himself, as guaranteed by the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution. Surely, the founding fathers are shaking their heads as they look down from the Great Beyond upon the unjust persecution of handgun-toting NFL players.

Handgun owners aren’t the only NFL players targeted by such unfair law enforcement practices, though; those who engage in harmless low-level narcotic dabbling are persecuted as well. Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones suffered an attack by law enforcement officers on July 11 because he was discovered in a car cutting cocaine with a credit card. He was arrested for possession of 6 ounces of cocaine, just six times the legally defined quantity necessary for a charge of “possession with the intent to sell.” Fortunately for the Jaguars and their fans, he was released on $2500 bond before he missed a single regular season game. Jones is Jacksonville’s leading receiver, after all.

Matt Jones: Everyone deserves a second chance.

In a display that all too clearly demonstrates collusion between law enforcement and the NFL, the league decided to suspend Mr. Jones for the three final games of the regular season. Luckily, the Jaguars were 4-9 by then, and every game the wide receiver missed was meaningless. Throughout the season, only some savvy legal maneuvering and an agreement to enter a “pre-trial diversion program” have prevented Mr. Jones from being forced to face the legal consequences of his actions. With any luck, he’ll back on the field and leading the Jaguars in receptions again next season.

It’s time for law enforcement officials to stop persecuting NFL players. These citizens have more important things consider than every quibbling law that’s ever been written about firearms, drugs, etc. We, the NFL fans, can’t afford to have our players sitting in courthouses and jails when they ought to be on the field practicing. They have a GAME to play, for God’s sake, and it’s time we let them play it. Our playoff hopes depend on it.