Disappointing Kisses
When I was a child, Hershey’s Kisses were the coolest thing ever. Perfectly bite-sized milk chocolate. And the symbolism! How could you go wrong?
For Valentine’s Day, my Nana — sweet as anything at 90 — sent me a package filled with Kisses. Aww, so cute and kitschy, especially since I’m well past my grandma-sends-me-Valentines years. I put them aside as a reminder of her warmth and generosity.
You know, they never look this well-wrapped and shiny in real life.
Last night, I was on deadline. It was 11 PM, my energy was waning and there was just one thing that would save that whitepaper: chocolate. I was lamenting the lack of chocolate in my house when I suddenly remembered my Valentine’s Day gift. Salvation! Chocolate!
I opened the lid, unwrapped the first one (an easy task as it was already partially unwrapped on its own) and popped it in my mouth. A look of confusion crossed my face, and I spit it into a napkin. Was this what Kisses tasted like? There was no chocolatey mouth feel; it tasted almost like it was made with imitation chocolate flavoring. In fact, the entire experience made me think of the Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
When the ‘Drink’ button is pressed it makes an instant but highly detailed examination of the subject’s taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of the subject’s metabolism, and then sends tiny experimental signals down the neural pathways to the taste centres of the subject’s brain to see what is likely to be well received. However, no-one knows quite why it does this because it then invariably delivers a cupful of liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.
But wait. This can’t be right, I thought to myself. I LOVED these as a child. Maybe it was just stale somehow, since it had come partially unwrapped. I searched for one that was still tightly sealed, opened it expectantly and discovered that no, the first one was not stale. Did I really have such poor taste as a child?
I’m not sure what was more disappointing: the complete lack of chocolate to support my late night craving, or the complete distortion of my childhood memories. Maybe next time I can convince Nana to send Ghirardelli squares.
