The Daily Procrastinator

Hello again, procrastinators! This wrap-up will bring you up to speed on what’s been happening here at The Daily Procrastinator for the last two weeks. Normally, as you’ve noticed by now, I’m sure, there’s a weekly wrap-up in your email every weekend. Last weekend, that didn’t happen. I procrastinated. Surely you knew that was a possibility. TDP has been as busy as ever in the past two weeks, and this is your chance to make sure that you’ve read every tasty bit. Let’s take it one week at a time, shall we?

March 16 – March 20

The week began with two posts by TallGirl, addressing first the dust-covered rollerblades she discovered while cleaning her garage, and then the combined narcissism and bad PR decisions of A-Fraud.

After many, many hours of celebrating Irish heritage, BigRedPoet (who’s German and French Canadian, by the way) published Part 1 of the beer-fueled St. Patrick’s Day adventure, chronicling the daylight hours and early evening. Part 2, which is perhaps slightly less coherent, details the happenings of the late evening and pursuant VERY early morning. Because she’s such a helpful friend, TallGirl offered a few hangover cures for anyone whose St. Patrick’s Day celebrations got out of hand.

The week ended with both lasciviousness and laughs as TallGirl wrote about her recent hot upskirt experience, and the newest Procrastinator, Marmite, bemoaned the unfortunate truth that Snuggies are taking over the world.

This break between weeks is brought to you by a grumpy, land-based koala bear. His name is Jeff.

March 23 – March 27

TallGirl started the week by wondering how FaceBook can simultaneously inspire curiosity, nostalgia, and low-level retrograde anger. As someone whose face has not been booked, I’m tempted to go sign up, just to observe this curious phenomenon.

On Tuesday, BigRedPoet offered a review of the Elton John and Billy Joel concert that he and FlashCap attended in Houston. As it turns out, two straight men can attend such a concert without the benefit of female companionship and still have a GREAT time.

Wednesday’s post was drawn from a discussion thread about important childhood memories. Several of the Procrastinators offered interesting tidbits from their young lives. Check it out, and get to know your favorite Procrastinator just a little bit better!

On Thursday, FlashCap expressed disbelief and outrage at a remarkably ignorant news article written by an ESPN reporter and posted on the company’s website. You’ve got to read it to believe it. As FlashCap seethed over the incompetence of paid professionals, TallGirl realized that Spring (the wily bugger) had sneaked up on her while she wasn’t watching. When it jumped out and yelled, “Surprise!“, the resulting joy turned into a TDP post.

BigRedPoet discovered something disturbing on Friday. While he was procrastinating by watching YouTube videos, he discovered that the Starburst Berries & Cream commercial that he found so offensive the first time had been reborn in a techno-remix version. Yikes.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

HEY!  GOOD MORNING!  BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY, ISN’T IT?

How’s that hangover this morning, Big Red Poet?  Before you try to hunt me down and bludgeon me, I want to remind you that I come bearing supposedly tried-and-true hangover cures.  Be nice and I may share them with you.

Let’s start by explaining why you feel so lousy this morning: alcohol.  I can tell by your unintelligible grumbling that you already knew that.  Well, here are more details.  You’re dehydrated.  Thanks to curious little chemical processes that go on in your body, with each drink you actually lose more fluid than you take in.  

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer...

Now, if you’d come looking for advice yesterday, I would have told you that you should chase each drink with a glass of water.  Too late for that now.  This is a recovery mission today, and I’ll give you some suggestions that are widely rumored to work.  As a disclaimer, I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on a blog for procrastinators, but I will spare you the hassle of your own Google search and give you the answers that I’ve gathered from the interwebs.

Gatorade.  Sports drinks aren’t just for athletes.  In much the same way that they replenish glucose and electrolytes for marathon runners, they’ll do the same for your abused body.

Greasy Eggs and Bacon.  I personally can’t handle the eggs on a hangover morning, but there’s definitely benefit to the salt in the bacon.  And really, is there ever a bad time for bacon?

Tripe Soup.  They swear by it in Mexico.  The spices most likely give your brain and body a chance to focus on a different kind of pain.  Either that or the tripe makes you vomit what’s left of last night’s bender.  The sources I’ve seen aren’t very clear on that one.

Hair of the Dog.  Another beer, my dear?  People swear that this is a solution, but the added alcohol will continue to send you down the path of dehydration.

Vitamins.  B6 and B12 the morning after can help to replenish what drinking has taken away.

Over-the-Counter Pain Meds.  Sure, they might work on your headache, but use them wisely.  Those with ibuprofen — Tylenol or Excedrin — can wreak havoc on your liver when mixed with alcohol.

Water, Water and More Water.  Your body needs the hydration, but water alone won’t do the trick.

Water and Chips.  My personal favorite combines the hydration of water with the saltiest bag of chips I can find.  A big bottle of water and bag of BBQ chips from an airport newsstand saved me from my worst hangover in the dry desert air of Las Vegas.  I was startled to discover that I was back to normal in 30 minutes.

Here’s hoping that you’ll find a solution and be able to drag your butt out of bed before noon.  Cheers!