The Daily Procrastinator

Yes, you read the title of this post correctly. In the past 48 hours, procrastinators, I have discovered the sad truth: I am not manly enough for yoga.

I have to preface this story with a little background. Last January, I resolved to become the “SomewhatLessBigRedPoet.” Thus far, it’s been going pretty well. I’ve changed the way I eat, and I try to work out at least occasionally. When I first started on this mission, I ran four or five days every week. I quickly discovered that my knees and ankles didn’t appreciate the impact of feet on concrete, so I gave up on running and just redoubled my efforts to eat healthy. All went well, and I reached a weight that I’m really happy with.

Now, I want to tone up. Weighing less is good, but weighing less and looking sexy would be even better. Conveniently, my mother is a big supporter of my efforts to get in shape, and about a two months ago, she sent me one of those sets of workout DVDs that are advertised on obscure television channels in the middle of the day. On Saturday morning, I opened the DVDs for the first time.

There are a dozen discs in the set, and many of them have intimidating titles like “Ab Ripper.” I flipped through them with some trepidation until I saw a disc called “Yoga.” Immediately, visions of thin, meditative, far Eastern men flashed to mind. Aha, I thought to myself, Yoga. This will be a nice, easy way to slowly immerse myself back into the world of working out.

Wrong.

After practicing the positions Downward Facing Dog, Warrior 1, Warrior 2, Reverse Warrior, and Runner’s Pose, my entire body hurts. I have pain in places where I didn’t even know I had muscles. After some tentative inquiries on Google, it seems I may acquainted myself with such positions as Groin Pull and Strained Oblique.

Behold: the Downward Facing Dog. I'm not sure it looks like this when I do it.

As I shambled up the stairs to work this morning, I’m sure the look on my face was similar to the face I might make while simultaneously hitting my thumb with a hammer and passing a kidney stone. It couldn’t have been pretty. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there’s a little voice that keeps saying, That soreness is PROGRESS. It means you had a good workout, but you need to work a little harder. I hate that voice.

Still, the voice is right. I don’t think I’ll go back to yoga just yet, though. Maybe I’ll try the “Ab Ripper.” What’s the worst that could happen?

Readers, you will laugh at this: I just got my first video game system. Ever. How I find myself hanging with the crowd on this blog is a mystery to me. Nevertheless, I am the proud new owner of a Wii, and perhaps even more exciting, a Wii Fit.

Where are the sweaty users, collapsed in a heap on the floor?

The Wii Fit package features four happy people doing exercises. They’re dressed in white, smiling and generally having a good time. And I’ll admit, the first time I tried the Wii Fit at a relative’s house, I felt the same way. I had loads of fun as I stood there in my street clothes and bare feet, going through the motions without breaking a sweat.

And then I got one for my birthday.

Now, let’s set the stage for this. I work out between four and six days each week, depending on my schedule. I used to own a Pilates and yoga studio. My blood pressure is low, my cholesterol rocks, my BMI is awesome. I’ve done two half marathons in the last two years. I am the sort of person who takes their exercising seriously. Today, I tried the system out at home for the first time, wearing workout clothes and really doing the exercises.

The Wii Fit kicked my ass.

There’s no other way to explain it. I went through the poses one by one, Yoga section first. Breathing? Check. Half Moon? Check. Warrior? Bring it on. But then I got to the Strength exercises. Holy Christmas! The Push-Up and Plank? Brutal! Jackknife, done in pace with the whistle? Stunningly hard.

It wasn’t long before I was huffing and puffing and breaking a sweat. And don’t let the “fun stuff” fool you. The Aerobics and Balance Games may look easy, but it doesn’t take long before you’re pretty much wiped out. As I turned off the console and collapsed on the couch, I couldn’t believe how much of a workout I’d gotten from a video game. And I can’t wait until tomorrow to try again and hopefully beat my scores from today.

A few years back, I owned a Pilates and yoga studio. As the child of a mother who died young from heart disease, health and fitness have always been very important to me, and my goal with the studio was to make fitness fun.

To vary the offerings a bit, and to give cardio offerings to balance out the strength and flexibility focus of Pilates and yoga, the studio offered several dance classes: salsa dancing, belly dancing and a class called ballet body, which was a lower-impact, ballet-themed workout. All three were popular, but they weren’t the phenomenon that dance-based fitness has now become.

Now, six years later, you can’t leave the house without hearing someone talk about Zumba. It’s branded and trademarked, but the classes that I’ve seen at my gym appear to be fairly basic cha-cha and salsa-based Latin dance, with a touch of belly dancing thrown in. I never would have guessed that I was so far ahead of the popularity curve with those classes.

To the woman at my gym:

I’ve been watching you ever since you first came to the gym last Fall.  You looked so terrified, so insecure, and after your first session with the trainer, you looked ready to cry.  But you came back, again and again, and each time it got a little bit easier.  I’m incredibly proud of you.  Because as hard as it is for the rest of us to get our butts to the gym, I know that it’s even harder when you’re obese.

It doesn’t help to tell you that you’re not alone.  The CDC estimates that about one-third of the U.S. population is in the same boat as you are.  But there’s a difference between you and them: you’re doing something about it.

I’ve overheard you talking with your trainer.  I know that you have no expectations of being supermodel skinny, but that you’re making the effort because you want to be healthier, feel better and live longer.  You’re reducing your risk factors for heart disease.  You’ve already reduced your cholesterol level more than 50 points, your blood pressure is finally in the healthy range, and while your BMI isn’t where you want it to be, you’re getting closer every day.  And while I know that you were probably starting out at something close to 400 pounds, and have a long way left to go, I want you to know that someone sees how far you’ve already come.

I’m particularly inspired by you because my own mother fought a lifelong battle with obesity.  She wouldn’t have set foot in a gym because she would have been embarrassed to be seen in her workout clothes.  It would have been easy for you to feel the same way, following her path of fitness walking before dawn when no one could see.  But my time as an owner of a Pilates and yoga studio taught me the value of exercising with someone, for variety, interest and when all else fails, guilt.

The holidays came and went, and you kept working hard.  You didn’t fall off the wagon after everyone else’s New Year’s resolutions had been forgotten.  I know that it hasn’t been easy for you, but I want to tell you that your efforts have not gone unnoticed.  You look great.  You look happy.  And I’m very happy for you.

Keep up the good work.  I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

– TallGirl