The Daily Procrastinator

I spent a bit of time clearing out my spam folder tonight, and I’ve tried to piece together a little personality profile based on the emails I’ve received.

I’m rich.  Just this weekend alone, I won more than $27 million ($27,000,000) U.S. dollars through various internet lotteries and the gracious kindness of strangers who have willed me money.  This is far more profitable than my writing gig, and with far less effort.  All I have to do is contact a handful of individuals in various nations, and I’m betting that by the end of the month I’ll be set for life.

I’m cheap.  I have 27 unpaid item disputes on eBay.  How thoughtless of me.  While most just list random auction numbers without detail, some actually give insightful information.  I’ve evidently been bidding on everything from cars to — quite inexplicably — vintage Barbie dolls.

There’s irony.  Someone wants to teach me how to make millions on eBay.  Evidently they haven’t seen my track record of 27 unpaid items.  And I’m personally captivated by, “I hope you find my information helping you.”  Indeed I do.

I’m small.  It appears that in addition to everything else in my life, I have a very small penis.  Unusually small.  So small that I am unable to satisfy women.  ”Be the man she really wants.”  You mean without gender reassignment surgery?  This puts my crush on Felicia Day in a whole new light, doesn’t it?

I hope that this personality profile helps you to learn a little bit more about the person behind the TallGirl persona.