The Daily Procrastinator

Dear John Edwards,

It’s me again. Remember me? I kind of ripped you a new one back in September. Well, today the New York Times reports that you’ve admitted that little Frances Quinn Hunter is yours.

From the Times report: ”To all those I have disappointed and hurt, these words will never be enough, but I am truly sorry,” Edwards said in his statement on Thursday.

You’re right, John. It won’t ever be enough. Because even if you’re there for her for the next 40 years of her life, it won’t ever make up for the fact that trying to salvage your political career was more important to you than your own child. But I suppose that on the bright side, you’ve got plenty of time to spend with all of your kids now that you don’t have a political future.

Oh, and as for the reports that you and Elizabeth have split? Good for her. It’s just a pity that she didn’t take a cue from the Elin Woods playbook as she sent you packing.

Dear John Edwards,

There was a time when I liked you as a person. You seemed like a good-natured guy, and you and Elizabeth seemed like a good couple. But I have to tell you how much I think you suck.

Now I know that many people jumped off the John Edwards bandwagon when it was revealed that you had the affair. Politicians survive those sorts of things all the time, though. More people were angry because of Elizabeth’s cancer and the way you betrayed her, but honestly, that wasn’t it for me. I’d imagine that when your wife is terminally ill and your life is turned upside-down, that’s probably the time when you’re most likely to do something stupid. Weird shit happens in times of crisis.

But the time of crisis has passed and here’s what gets me: even though it’s been pretty obvious from the start that the kid is yours, you’ve denied it. More importantly, you’ve denied her. And I have to tell you, John, that’s unforgivable. I don’t care if you’ve been secretly sending her money on the side. Being a father isn’t about money. It’s about being there, giving that child the love that she deserves.

Do you think that by denying her you’re being a better father to the kids from your marriage? Because honestly, John, while it would be upsetting to realize that I had a half-sister from my father’s affair, it would be devastating to learn that my father was such a callous jerk as to pretend that the kid didn’t exist.

That little girl is as much yours as the four kids you’ve had with Elizabeth. One day she will be old enough to understand that her father publicly disavowed any connection with her. And I hope that on that day she shows up at your door and kicks you in the nuts.