The Daily Procrastinator

Students, teachers, parents, professors, and procrastinators rejoice! Summer has arrived! I’m trying to keep thoughts of oppressive heat and suffocating humidity by focusing my mind on fishing, swimming, and sitting up late into the night chatting with friends. I sincerely hope your plans are the same. Before we drift off into reverie, though, let’s take a look back at this week’s offerings on The Daily Procrastinator. Even in the summer, you don’t want to miss a thing.

The week began as BigRedPoet assigned you some simple Memorial Day homework. Admittedly, I only completed two of the three sections of the assignment, but Magnus only did one. Go double-check, and gloat if you did all three.

On Tuesday, FlashCap drew a fine line between what’s believable and what’s not. A guy with adamantium in his skeleton and huge claws that sprout out of his forearms? Of course that’s believable. A guy with adamantium in his skeleton and huge claws that sprout out of his forearms who’s pretty much indestructible? That’s ludicrous.

Yes, that's a spider eating a bird. Run fast. Run far. Run now.

Midweek, TallGirl spoke up in the face of Jon & Kate hysteria. While many Americans are obsessed with this pseudo-celebrity couple, TallGirl is having none of it. I couldn’t agree with her more whole-heartedly. See the comments…

On Thursday, BigRedPoet went just a little bit nuts. After attending an Astros game and sitting behind the un-fans from hell, BRP went off on a rant that just might peel the paint off the walls…or at least cause you to chuckle and shake your head.

The week ended as FlashCap found a way to use brownies, literature, and manure to make a brilliant point about the way people think and encounter their world. It’s almost like he was on one of those improv comedy shows and had to find a way to link three unrelated objects on one routine. The result will enlighten you.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal

*runs, gasping, to the keyboard*

Hello, procrastinators! I hope you’ll forgive my labored breathing and flushed cheeks. I’ve been off procrastinating. It takes a lot of work not to do my work! Now that we’re all here together, though, let’s look back over the last two weeks’ editions of The Daily Procrastinator and make sure that nothing escaped your notice.

TDP served up a healthy portion of technology posts, beginning with TallGirl’s reminiscences about the space shuttle we have all come to know and love. Somehow, replacing it with a capsule just doesn’t seem right. Speaking of technological advances with which TallGirl is not 100% comfortable, she also pointed out that two recently revealed “innovative” cars share an uncanny resemblance. BigRedPoet contributed to the technological frenzy by offering his opinion on a soon-to-be-released technology from XBox360 that will revolutionize video gaming. TallGirl addressed technology once more as she lamented the absence of old-fashioned customer service and human contact in the modern business world.

FlashCap directed a post toward collectors and hobbyists as he revealed his collection of Marvel Universe action figures. Simultaneously, he called down a pox upon Hasbro for luring him into collecting yet another series of tiny plastic superheroes. The pictures are pretty astonishing.

I've heard of unreceptive women, but this is ridiculous.

The subject of good ol’ everyday life got some attention on TDP in the past two weeks. TallGirl discussed her recent “opportunity” to serve on a jury and also provided some enlightening tips for avoiding your civic duty. My inner procrastinator is smiling. Next, TallGirl revealed that there may or may not be an undead creature in her rose garden. Is it possible for plants to return, rotted and shambling, from the grave? Finally, BigRedPoet saw a product this week that he simply could not resist writing about. It’s difficult to explain. Just go check it out…

In what’s beginning to look like a pattern, BigRedPoet posted a concert and album review this week. This time, his attention is turned toward a young singer and songwriter who hasn’t yet made the bigtime, but who is destined for great success. Long live old-time music!

Finally, BigRedPoet addressed the topic of physical anthropology. A new fossil, nicknamed “Ida,” has recently been discovered in Germany, and she promises to open many doors of insight into humanity’s earliest ancestors. In this post, you can check out pictures of the discovery, read BRP’s reactions, and find out about the recently published book about Ida.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

Welcome, procrastinators. Here’s hoping you came through the swine flu “crisis” unscathed. We here at The Daily Procrastinator are absolutely shocked at the events of the past couple weeks. Who would have thought that the media would blow something out of proportion? Who would have believed that Americans would swallow such an exaggeration hook, line, and sinker, and react with irrational panic? Who could have forseen that it was all really no big deal? It was truly a week of unexpected events. Lucky for you, it was also another week of fantastic content on TDP. Unless you’re quarantined with the imaginary flu, you should make SURE you don’t miss a thing.

Monday: For reasons that will soon be obvious, the 4th of May is an unofficial but widely recognized holiday–a holiday celebrated by movie fans and word-nerds alike.

Tuesday: According to wikipedia, Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Mexican army’s unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. Each year, Americans honor the brave Mexican soldiers by blissfully munching nachos and sipping margaritas. The holiday has passed, but TallGirl’s Cinco de Mayo party guide included recipes for margaritas and dip that will be favorites all summer long.

Cats amuse me. Zombies amuse me. This picture is extremely amusing.

Wednesday: TallGirl revealed that she truly deserves to be a zillionaire. After all, she thought up dance-based fitness programs before Zumba before was a nation-wide fitness craze!

Thursday: BigRedPoet gave a review of the Dave Matthews Band show on May 1 at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion in Woodlands, TX. Check out the setlist, thoughts on the performance, and notes on recording the show.

Friday: Continuing the string of wildly unlikely happenings I mentioned in the intro to this weekly wrap-up, TallGirl noted that baseball players use steriods. Can you believe it? Baseball players use steriods! Neither she nor I is amused by this revelation.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

Greetings, procrastinators! As you may have noticed, there was no Weekly Wrap-Up last week. Frankly, I procrastinated. I consider it my duty to let procrastination interfere with my work every now and again. Practicing what I preach, you know… Anyway, the past two weeks on The Daily Procrastinator have been as fruitful as ever, and this is your chance to make sure you didn’t miss a word of TDP’s enlightening content. Let’s consider one subject at a time.

Food: The first tasty post of the week came from BigRedPoet, who considered it his duty to make the world (or at least the world of procrastinators) aware of the glory of Squeez Bacon. Even though Magnus rained on the parade in comments, Squeez Bacon is still a great idea. TallGirl, no doubt inspired by the tantalizing possibility of a meat condiment, continued the bacon orgy with a celebration of the myocardial-infarction-inducing dish known as the Bacon Explosion. Imagine it topped with Squeez Bacon, if you dare.

Entertainment: On April 27, BigRedPoet posted a review/celebration of Led Zeppelin’s historic 1969 show in San Francisco, complete with a FANTASTIC photograph of the young Zeps doing their thing on stage. A few days later, FlashCap (he lives!) bemoaned the disparity between the comic book characters readers have come to know and love and the characters who appear on-screen in recent Marvel movies.

Technology: Magnus, assisted by a mysterious figure known only as Z, posted a list of quick-fixes and tweaks that will whip your PC into tip-top Springtime condition. I’ve used several of them already, with fantastic results. In a completely different branch of technology, BigRedPoet examined the difference between “awesome” and “lame,” as applied to three-wheeled transportation.

This picture requires no explanation. Not THIS week...

Current Events: TallGirl piped up as the voice of reason in the face of the swine-flu inspired hysteria that’s literally dominating the television and radio waves this week. I prefer TallGirl’s point of view over the popular panic. Note the irony of two bacon-inspired posts in the days preceding the swine flu outbreak.

This Crazy Life: TDP’s resident social commentator, TallGirl, weighed in on several topics in the past two weeks. She started with cosmetic surgery in suburbia. Later, she pondered the proper ratio of cream to coffee…or is that the ratio of coffee to cream? Finally, she revealed how people’s perceptions of a friend or neighbor can change simply through the revelation of a pair of enticing underpants.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

Greetings, procrastinators! Another beautiful Spring week has come and gone. I know you sit at your desk during the work day and wish you could be outside enjoying the season. Unfortuantly, odds are that your boss would frown upon that idea. There’s good news, though! You can access The Daily Procrastinator right there in your workspace! It’s not the same as sitting outside in the Spring weather, but it beats working…

Let’s look back at this week’s posts, one writer at a time, and make sure you didn’t miss a thing.

TallGirl led the team in posts this week. She began the week with a fond farewell to Harry Kalas, longtime voice of the Philadelphia Phillies. She continued by posting a photograph that simultaneously celebrates Easter and borderline insanity. In the following days, TallGirl posted a thought on (supposedly) discounted footwear and a stupefying bit of Octomom news. She wrapped up her week as a Procrastinator with a rumination on the effects the economic downturn is having on long-standing American businesses.

"You're going to procrastinate? In THAT outfit?"

Magnus, the Procrastinator responsible for marketing, techinical expertise, and all things geek-related, is normally pretty quiet, but he spoke up twice this week. First, he announced the iPhone-specific version of The Daily Procrastinator. A few days later, he posted a brief tutorial on the use of Real Simple Syndication (RSS) to make information bring itself to you, instead of spending your valuable time searching for it. I had no idea this service existed. It’s genius!

Finally, BigRedPoet threw his hat into the proverbial ring twice this week. First, he posted a celebration of the arrival of crawfish season and outdoor concerts in the American south. Later, BRP provided a list of five links to help the procrastinators of the world wile away a few valuable hours of work time. Click them. Trust me.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

The grass has turned from brown to green, there’s baseball on TV, and high school seniors really don’t care any more. It’s spring! We here at The Daily Procrastinator have been reveling in the joy of the season, and we celebrated by posting another crop of interesting, amusing, and/or distracting articles this week. Read on to make sure you didn’t miss a thing.

The week began with some meditations on working. First, TallGirl confessed that she’s a workaholic. How does one get to that terrifying state, you may ask. According to our Procrastinator, it’s a slippery slope. Beware! In another work-related incident, TallGirl discovered that she had more old tax forms than she felt like shredding, so she set them on fire. The resulting photograph is fantastic.

In keeping with our recently established tradition of posting an amusing animal picture with each Weekly Wrap-Up, here's a frog who's plotting world domination.

The arrival of baseball season tugged at both BigRedPoet’s and FlashCap’s heartstrings this week. First, BRP posted a reminiscence of his history with America’s pastime, ranging from his childhood fascination with the game to opening day of the 2009 campaign. Later, FlashCap paid homage to both baseball and T.S. Eliot with his tribute The Base(ball) Land.

In the world of entertainment, The Daily Procrastinator cast its net pretty wide this week. For starters, BigRedPoet posted his review of a board game called Last Night On Earth: The Zombie Game. After trying the game just a few times, he’s hooked! TallGirl threw her hat into the entertainment ring with a pop-quiz (or is it snarky social commentary?) about reality television.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

Hello, procrastinators! We here at The Daily Procrastinator hope that your weekend has allowed you to catch up on your sleep, spend some time relaxing, and dedicate only minimal time to productive activity. I tried to model appropriate procrastinator behavior by spending four days at a hotel on the beach. Does everyone see how that’s done? Good.

As always, The Daily Procrastinator published a healthy crop of thoughts, opinions, reminiscences, and reviews for your reading pleasure. TallGirl really carried the team this week. Let’s look back at the week and make sure you didn’t miss anything.

The week began as TallGirl was wisked into the past by the Niles Canyon Railway, a historically accurate steam-powered passenger train that offers both passengers and observers a glance into the world their grandparents knew. The granddaughter of a railway enthusiast, TallGirl found herself mirroring her grandfather’s fondness for the railway.

TallGirl’s gaze remained focused on the past as her recollection of childhood Hershey’s kisses were refuted by eating one in the present. Have the kisses changed, or has TallGirl’s palate evolved?

As a follow-up to last week's grumpy koala, here's a jumping armadillo. Yes, they can do that.

BigRedPoet piped up with a review of the latest of the “I wish I was a rock star” video games, Guitar Hero: Metallica. Check out his assessment of the game’s graphics, the list of available songs, and the gameplay.

TallGirl returned with some ruminations on modern marketing, packaging, and branding practices, including some ridiculous claims about the purposes and capabilities of the new Pepsi logo.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

Hello again, procrastinators! This wrap-up will bring you up to speed on what’s been happening here at The Daily Procrastinator for the last two weeks. Normally, as you’ve noticed by now, I’m sure, there’s a weekly wrap-up in your email every weekend. Last weekend, that didn’t happen. I procrastinated. Surely you knew that was a possibility. TDP has been as busy as ever in the past two weeks, and this is your chance to make sure that you’ve read every tasty bit. Let’s take it one week at a time, shall we?

March 16 – March 20

The week began with two posts by TallGirl, addressing first the dust-covered rollerblades she discovered while cleaning her garage, and then the combined narcissism and bad PR decisions of A-Fraud.

After many, many hours of celebrating Irish heritage, BigRedPoet (who’s German and French Canadian, by the way) published Part 1 of the beer-fueled St. Patrick’s Day adventure, chronicling the daylight hours and early evening. Part 2, which is perhaps slightly less coherent, details the happenings of the late evening and pursuant VERY early morning. Because she’s such a helpful friend, TallGirl offered a few hangover cures for anyone whose St. Patrick’s Day celebrations got out of hand.

The week ended with both lasciviousness and laughs as TallGirl wrote about her recent hot upskirt experience, and the newest Procrastinator, Marmite, bemoaned the unfortunate truth that Snuggies are taking over the world.

This break between weeks is brought to you by a grumpy, land-based koala bear. His name is Jeff.

March 23 – March 27

TallGirl started the week by wondering how FaceBook can simultaneously inspire curiosity, nostalgia, and low-level retrograde anger. As someone whose face has not been booked, I’m tempted to go sign up, just to observe this curious phenomenon.

On Tuesday, BigRedPoet offered a review of the Elton John and Billy Joel concert that he and FlashCap attended in Houston. As it turns out, two straight men can attend such a concert without the benefit of female companionship and still have a GREAT time.

Wednesday’s post was drawn from a discussion thread about important childhood memories. Several of the Procrastinators offered interesting tidbits from their young lives. Check it out, and get to know your favorite Procrastinator just a little bit better!

On Thursday, FlashCap expressed disbelief and outrage at a remarkably ignorant news article written by an ESPN reporter and posted on the company’s website. You’ve got to read it to believe it. As FlashCap seethed over the incompetence of paid professionals, TallGirl realized that Spring (the wily bugger) had sneaked up on her while she wasn’t watching. When it jumped out and yelled, “Surprise!“, the resulting joy turned into a TDP post.

BigRedPoet discovered something disturbing on Friday. While he was procrastinating by watching YouTube videos, he discovered that the Starburst Berries & Cream commercial that he found so offensive the first time had been reborn in a techno-remix version. Yikes.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

Across the country, hundreds of thousands of college students will be going on spring break this week. Let’s face it, procrastinators, those kids are a menace. Don’t go out there and risk your sanity among the inebriated youth; stay safely indoors and read The Daily Procrastinator. It’s the safer choice. We’ll have new content for you each and every day. In case you missed anything last week, let’s take a look back.

After viewing The Watchmen, Flash Cap offered his critique of Hollywood’s current movie rating system. Full frontal nudity is full frontal nudity, whether it’s computer generated or not…right?

TallGirl overheard a conversation at her local coffee shop during which several young women discussed the fallout between Rihanna and Chris Brown. What she heard blew her mind, and it will likely blow yours, too. Later in the week, TallGirl examined the xCount phenomenon on FaceBook, and she wrapped up her contributions by confessing her fear of treadmills.

BigRedPoet helped the world celebrate the 69th birthday of Chuck Norris this week by examining the star’s odd brand of fame. A few days later, he offered some pointers to help procrastinators everywhere polish their spoken English to a beautiful shine.

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

Here at The Daily Procrastinator, we know that those hours between 8:00 and 5:00 can be a real bore. Staring at the stack of papers on your desk or avoiding the list of tasks your manager expects you to accomplish can be stressful, exhausting business. For your benefit, procrastinator, we published a series of tantalizing and time-consuming articles this week. In case you missed any of them, here’s a list of the topics we covered:

Office Life: TallGirl commented on the interesting variety of spam email she receives, as well as her continuing love affair with paper in a world which is supposedly becoming a paperless utopia.

Music: Addressing both ends of the musical spectrum, Juggernaut offered his thoughts about Lamb Of God’s new album, Wrath, while BigRedPoet celebrated the White House’s decision to award Stevie Wonder the Gershwin Award. FlashCap added to this week’s celebration of music with his Sonnet To Sirius and XM Radio.

Obscure Vocabulary: If you can’t use the word “amanuensis” in a sentence, take heart! TallGirl couldn’t use it either, until just the other day. That’s uh-MAN-yoo-EN-sis, by the way.

Sports: Although Terrell Owens’ unemployment was short-lived, it was still the highlight of BigRedPoet’s month.

Medicine and/or PseudoScience: Do nutritional supplements and herbal remedies actually help people avoid getting sick? TallGirl is 97% sure they don’t, but she uses them anyway. Why?

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The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity