The Daily Procrastinator

Important News! Mötley Crüe is releasing their Greatest Hits album on November 17, 2009.    Greatness!

Well, at least if you don’t already have:

One

Decade of Decadence,

Two

Greatest Hits,

Three

Supersonic & Demonic Relics,

Four

The Millennium Collection,

Five, Six

Red, White & Crüe (2-disc set),

Seven, Eight

Music to Crash Your Car To (Volumes 1 and 2), or

Nine, Ten, and Eleven

Loud as F@*k (3-disc set).

Jesus.  Did Gene Simmons die and take over the body of Nikki Sixx or something?

As you may have discerned by now, procrastinators, I’m a bit of a Led Zeppelin fan. By “a bit” I mean that I own all of their studio recordings, often wear one my dozen or so Zep t-shirts, have the “four symbols” decals on the back window of my truck, and spent years collecting every concert recording of the band that’s known to exist. In total, counting the instances in which there are multiple recordings of the same show, I have over 500 Led Zeppelin concerts on a freestanding hard drive called “The Archive.”

I’m not telling you all of this because I want you to be impressed (although I wouldn’t mind if you were). I’m telling you this so you’ll know that I’ve listened to more Led Zeppelin than anyone you’ve ever met. With that in mind, I feel qualified to make the following statement: Today, September 29, is the 38th anniversary of one of the greatest rock concerts of all time.

On September 29 of 1971, Led Zeppelin performed at the Festival Hall in Osaka, Japan. Known among ZepHeads simply as “929,” it was the final night of their first-ever tour of Japan, and, for lack of a more appropriate phrase, they played their asses off. Check out the setlist:

• Immigrant Song
• Heartbreaker
• Since I’ve Been Loving You
• Black Dog
• Dazed And Confused
• Stairway To Heaven
• Celebration Day
• That’s The Way
• Going To California
• Tangerine
• Friends
• Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
• What Is And What Should Never Be
• Moby Dick
• Whole Lotta Love
• Communication Breakdown
• Organ Solo/Thank You
• Rock And Roll

The legendary untitled fourth album had not yet been released, but the Japanese fans were treated to previews of soon-to-be famous songs like “Stairway to Heaven,” “Black Dog,” and “Rock and Roll.”

Tonight’s show features no shortage of the incredibly long songs for which Led Zeppelin concerts were famous. The band’s improvisational showcase, “Dazed and Confused,” clocks in at just over 30 minutes. Jimmy Page played a middle section of the “Dazed” solo with a violin bow throughout the band’s career, and tonight’s solo is one of the darkest and eeriest-sounding in the band’s entire recorded catalog.

This photo of of the bow solo is actually from a concert on the '71 Japan tour. WHICH night? Well, that's lost to history.

“Moby Dick,” as ever, is a 20 minute experiment in sonic assault. John Bonham plays the drums with the kind of force most people reserve for driving fence posts. The final “epic” of the evening, “Whole Lotta Love,” exceeds 30 minutes itself. As usual, the band turns it into a medley of 50s and 60s hits. Tonight, the medley includes “Boogie Woogie,” “Tossin’ & Turnin,” “Twist & Shout,” and “Fortune Teller,” along with sections of their own songs “You Shook Me” and “Good Times Bad Times.”

This show features another noteworthy moment in Led Zeppelin history: as the band ends the acoustic set with “Friends” and prepares to launch back into fully electrified rock and roll, Robert Plant fills the time by treating the audience to an impromptu version of The Platters’ “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes,” a song not known to exist anywhere else in the band’s recorded history.

That's right. The Platters. Robert Plant digs MoTown.

The entire show clocks in at just under three hours, and it’s a fantastic listening experience. The vast majority of the show has been preserved on what is widely and erroneously known as “the soundboard source.” Although the recording is clearly not from the soundboard, it is a truly fantastic audience tape. General consensus holds that a microphone was somehow placed on stage with the band. In places where the primary source has cuts or dropouts, they are smoothly filled with slightly inferior but very listenable alternate sources. At least three separate source tapes are known to exist for this show, so the listener never misses a moment. Listening to a well-crafted import release of the show, like Wendy Records’ “Fatally Wanderer” is as close as most of us will ever come to seeing the mighty Zeppelin at one of the highest points in their career.

Sure, I have other things to do tonight. I fully intend to ignore those things (it’s The Daily Procrastinator, right?) and spend three hours with the greatest rock band ever to walk the face of the earth. You should join me.

Listen to this:

Now, if you’re anything like me, you can’t listen to this beautiful piece of music without thinking of this:

Or try listening to Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” without thinking of this:

During my formative years I watched a lot of Merrie Melodies cartoons, and while Bugs and Daffy will always hold a special place in my heart (if you don’t know how to respond when I say “Wabbit season!” I can’t be friends with you), Chuck Jones and his crew absolutely ruined me on classical music.  I often wonder what it would be like to listen to  Strauss’ “Blue Danube”, and not automatically think of Bugs slapping Elmer Fudd, or not immediately associate Franz Von Suppe’s “Morning, Noon and Night in Vienna” with Bugs Bunny conducting an orchestra. I suppose I should be fair and say it’s not all Mr. Jones’ fault: “The Lone Ranger” ruined Rossini’s “William Tell Overture” for me, and I can’t hear Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” without thinking of Nakatomi Plaza.  But still, it was those Saturday morning cartoons that led me to connect so many pieces of music with animation – and today those hi-jacked works are the only classical music I’ve ever bought.  Hell, I even bought Bugs Bunny on Broadway.

One of the few classical music CDs I own

Because the Merrie Melodies cartoons are no longer being aired on Saturday mornings, I don’t believe my daughters will have this problem, and honestly I’m a little jealous of them in that respect.  My older daughter takes piano, and I eagerly await the day she’ll be able to play even a simplified piece of Strauss’ “Danube”, and be able to ask her what the music brings to mind for her.  Maybe even get an idea of what Strauss himself intended.

I know it won’t be Daffy Duck.

Not man is crying, guys! Crying!

It’s tough being an Anthrax fan. On July 21 news hit the web that Dan Nelson, newly anointed lead singer of the thrash metal band, had been fired from the gig days before a European festival tour was to begin and three months before their new album “Worship Music”, was to be released (it was in the final stages of production). In a carefully worded press release, the band suggested Nelson was too ill to go on tour, and that the band would soon be auditioning for a new lead singer. Dan Nelson would later release his own press release, saying that the band’s reasoning was bogus and that his legal counsel would take appropriate action.

Well, shit.

This is not the first time Anthrax has had problems with its singer (unfortunately).  For instance, back in ’05 Scott Ian and Charlie Benante, founding members of the band, decided to tour with their original lead singer, Joey Belladonna and the rest of their “Among the Living” lineup in recognition of their 25th anniversary as a band.  For me, it was a bit of a head scratcher as the band had just released “We’ve Come for You All” to critical acclaim, if not matching sales (if you haven’t heard it, do yourself a favor and grab it).  John Bush, their singer from 1992 until then, felt slighted and left the band, leaving the band frontman-less when Belladonna decided he did not want to continue with the band after the tour.

That situation always seemed to me to be Ian and Benante’s fault – I don’t know that too many fans were clamoring for an “Among the Living” reunion tour and Ian’s reasoning that the death of Dimebag Darrell made him want to see what “might have been” had Joey never left still seemed like a jerk move when considering Bush’s perspective.  And so they burned that bridge with Bush, leading them to pick up Dan Nelson as their singer.  It’s now been 6 years since Anthrax has released a new album.

This time, however, I can’t see how Ian and Benante can be blamed.  Something led them to kick Nelson to the curb before the European tour began, before the first album with Nelson fronting was released.  It apparently wasn’t Nelson’s decision, based on his press release, so Ian and Benante would have to some MAJOR reason to can him.  What was it?  No one’s saying, but there have been some reports of tension between the band members during their Rocklahoma appearance.  I just know that the release of Worship Music is now pushed back until a new lead singer is found, and who knows what the status of those songs will be?  Will we fans of Anthrax ever hear Nelson’s versions?   It’s doubtful.  I guess the bigger question is: will there even be another album?  John Bush is going to join them for a one-off at England’s Sonisphere show – I’m hoping against hope that there might be enough remnants of that bridge to rebuild it.

For me, it’s a bit depressing to think of a future that will be Anthrax-less.  I’ve been banging my head to their thrash for over 20 years now, and have longed to see them get the recognition bands like Metallica and Slayer get (two of the pillars of thrash, along with Megadeth and Anthrax).  I had hoped Worship Music would have announced a triumphant return.  It looks like it might be an unheard swan song.

I’ve been a big fan of the Greatest American Rock Band series from FlashCap, but because I’m a writer, I struggle with listening to music with vocals while I’m working, especially music that I know the words to.  None of my clients want the lyrics to “Hot for Teacher” interspersed with their web content.

Therefore, I present to you my favorite mellow music: Acoustik Guitar by John H. Clarke.  This guy is good.  Period.

Watch him play via YouTube.  Trust me, it’s worth a moment of your time.

Let’s face it, almost any “greatest band ever” list ends up with the Beatles. Or Led Zeppelin, depending on what year it is and whether BRP had a say in it. To avoid this, the DP is going to add another adjective to the list, AMERICAN, and count down the top seven American Rock Bands (take that, you limey bastards!).

So here we are: the final 2.  Who will be the DP’s greatest American Rock…Ah, who are we kidding?  You’re not reading this, you’ve already scrolled down to see the results.  So here we go:

#2: Creedence Clearwater Revival

Fogerty was wearing flannel before Pearl Jam made it hip.

The case for: Lynyrd Skynyrd might be the quintessential southern rock band, but that’s only because the guys from CCR hail from San Francisco.  That’s right, the band that brought you swamp rockers like “Born on the Bayou” and “Bad Moon Rising” were actually west coast hippies.  From 1967 to 1972, CCR  ruled the airwaves with hit after hit, not only talking about women with songs like “Susie Q” and “Sweet Hitch-Hiker”, but also making social commentary with rockers like “Fortunate Son.” And you can’t tell me you don’t crank that one whenever you hear it – if you don’t, you can feel free to go back to your Yanni.

A few bullet points underscoring CCR’s No. 2 ranking:

- CCR was at Woodstock, though nobody remembers that because the Grateful Dead played forever, putting everyone to sleep,  and CCR ended up taking the stage at 3 IN THE MORNING.

- “Proud Mary” is CCR’s song, not Tina Turner’s.  Yeah, we said it.

- “Travelin’ Band” was a precursor to practically every other song about a band hitting the road  (e.g., Bob Seger’s “Turn the Page”; Boston’s “Rock and Roll Band”; Slayer’s “Raining Blood”).

The band would later break up due to internal problems between the members, which would influence other rock lead singers to act like jerks (yeah, Axl, I’m looking at you).  John Fogerty has a somewhat successful solo career, though for the longest time he refused to play CCR songs during live shows, leading me to believe that his live shows were HUGE disappointments.  Above all, CCR had RANGE, and produced some of the most memorable rock hits during their time.

But now it’s time for the GREATEST AMERICAN ROCK BAND:

#1:

Balls Out Rock.

Van Halen is THE American Rock Band.  Hedonistic and untamed, Eddie’s wild in-your-face guitar work and David Lee Roth’s showmanship would pave the way for many of the later 80s rock acts (including our #4 Guns N Roses).  Simply put,  without Van Halen, the 80s American rock era doesn’t happen, and then what would Pearl Jam (the DP’s #5) and Nirvana have to react against?  From their eponymous first album, Van Halen declared the rules for rock had changed, and disaffected youth would never be the same.  Look at the track listing for their first: “Runnin’ With the Devil”, “Eruption/You Really Got Me”, “Ain’t Talkin’ ’bout Love”, “I’m the One”, “Jamie’s Cryin”, “Feel Your Love Tonight”.  Hell, it might as well be the soundtrack to the Camaro.

And Van Halen was no one-album wonder.  The cleverly titled Van Halen II would give us “Beautiful Girls” and “Dance the Night Away” and more Eddie and more FUN.  Van Halen epitomized the rock lifestyle and attitude, and never took themselves too seriously, particularly David Lee Roth.  Women and Children First came  next, then later Diver Down (their fourth album, Fair Warning was a weaker effort, although “Unchained” kicks ass).  Then, in 1984, Van Halen gave us their finest album, coincidentally titled 1984.

Try getting this cover approved today.

Practically every friggin’ song was a hit.  If you can’t name at least five of ‘em, you were either born after 1985 or  before 1950.

Then the fallout: different ideas about the group led David Lee Roth to go record some songs that became dated the week after Crazy From the Heat was released, and Eddie, Alex and Michael welcomed in the Red Rocker himself,  Sammy Hagar.  5150 (which produced one of our favorite VH songs, “5150″), OU812 and For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (subtle!) were all massive commercial successes, and further cemented the fact that Van Halen was and is America’s premiere rock band.*

Of course, all good things must end.  Eddie managed to alienate Sammy who left the band to go manage his bar and continue his solo career while  Michael Anthony was unceremoniously (and unforgivably) bounced from the group for the baby-fat burdened Wolfgang.  But Van Halen is the epitome of what American rock is, and for its music, charisma, and influence on American rock, Van Halen is the DP’s choice for best American Rock Band.

*As much as some of us here at DP admire Gary Cherone/Extreme for their non-”More Than Words” work, we, like the Van Halens themselves, believe VHIII is better left ignored.

Let’s face it, almost any “greatest band ever” list ends up with the Beatles. Or Led Zeppelin, depending on what year it is and whether BRP had a say in it. To avoid this, the DP is going to add another adjective to the list, AMERICAN, and count down the top seven American Rock Bands (take that, you limey bastards!).

Yesterday saw the start of our countdown with Lynyrd Skynyrd coming in at number 7 and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers edging the boys from the South at number 6. Now, on to number 5!

#5: Pearl Jam

"Mookie Blaylock" probably wouldn't have made our list. Fortunately, they changed the name.

The Case for: All apologies to Nirvana (get it?  HA!), but Pearl Jam is the best band to come out of the Seattle “grunge” scene in the early 1990s.  But there’s just one minor problem with that statement of fact:  Pearl Jam isn’t grunge.  They are as straight-forward rock and roll as anything America has produced.  They are America’s version of The Who (even in a sad way), an influence they wear proudly on their collective sleeve.

Listen to Ten again.  It literally washes over the listener like the waves Eddie surfed while coming up with the lyrics.   But Vs. is really their masterpiece, from the breakneck pace of “Go” through the omnipresent “Elderly Woman . . .”   They’ve also released at least 72 different live albums, setting a world record in the process.   Prolific bunch, these guys.

Why aren’t they higher on the list?: Pearl Jam kind of suffers from their early success.   “Jeremy” was done to death, and the band kind of removed themselves from the mainstream by becoming more experimental (to some, at least), daresay self-indulgent, on their subsequent studio albums.   Personally, I forgive them, but this list was compiled by committee, so what are you gonna do?

#4: Guns N Roses

The REAL Guns N Roses

The Case for: Appetite for Destruction. It is an album everyone knows and likely owns.  It is an album that damn near everyone can sing at least four songs by heart.  But most importantly, it is an album that has not grown tired.  “Welcome to the Jungle”.  “Mr. Brownstone”.  “Paradise City”.  “Sweet Child O’ Mine” (which, BTW, has probably one of the most perfectly song-suited solos ever).   This is one of the most re-listenable albums on Earth and likely extended the life of LA’s music scene (for better or worse) by a good 2 to 3 years.   Lies and the Use Your Illusion set round out the legend that is GnR, but Appetite set it in stone.

Why aren’t they higher on the list?: Two words for you:  Axl friggin’ Rose.  Spare me the arguments about why the breakup was all Slash’s fault.  Axl is the reason that Chinese Democracy 1) took 13 years to complete and release; and 2) was too much “Estranged” and not enough “Nightrain”. Thirteen years for THAT?  Yes, expectations are a bitch but damn, Axl, shouldn’t there have been more than one catchy song (“Better”)?

#3: Aerosmith

Not yet ready for their Permanent Vacation

The Case For: Are you kidding me? The real question is why aren’t these guys higher on the list (to be answered later). The boys from Boston have obviously given the world some of the most memorable and powerful rock and roll over the past 30 years, and to try and list some of their hits here would probably be insulting to you, our constant reader. Still, “Sweet Emotion“, “Mama Kin“, “Dream On“, “Walk This Way“, “Back in the Saddle“, and I probably haven’t named your favorite – their catalog goes on and on and on. Download “Toys in the Attic” and you’ll know.

Why aren’t they higher on the list?: Honestly, the case could be made that Aerosmith is the premiere rock band of the United States. But you could also argue that they’re now a watered-down version of themselves, content with writing bluesy rock ballads to be played in Michael Bay action movies and cranking out a mediocre album every few years. They haven’t really had a good album since “Pump”. But hasn’t Aerosmith paid its dues? Shouldn’t they be allowed to take it easy now that they’ve achieved rock god status? NOPE, and here’s why:

Aerosmith is still karma-deficient for being involved in this Bee Gees focused tripe. THE BEE GEES!

Tomorrow: THE TWO BEST AMERICAN ROCK BANDS…EVER!

Let’s face it, almost any “greatest band ever” list ends up with the Beatles.  Or Led Zeppelin, depending on what year it is and whether BRP had a say in it.  To avoid this, the DP is going to add another adjective to the list: American.

For those about to rock! (dammit, they're Australian!)

That’s right, forget about your Day Tripping Fab Four, leave behind those “Dazed and Confused” British heavyweights (it’s been a long time since they’ve rock and rolled), and we’re certainly not going to get any Satisfaction from Mick Jagger’s limey crew:  which red-blooded American rock and roll band is worthy of being labeled the best?  Over the next few days, the DP is going to count down the top 7 American Rock Bands (why 7?  Because 10′s too corporate!).  Get your righteous indignation ready, people!

Now, before starting the list, there are some limitations.  One, this isn’t a heavy metal list, so Metallica won’t be on it. We’re talking rock, driven by a rebellious attitude and bluesy back beats (and often hard liquor).  Two, by “band” it means a largely set group of musicians (though lineup changes can occur), each with a more or less clearly defined role in the band: guitars, bass, drummer and singer, though a singer could definitely play a guitar or the bass.

NOT ON THE LIST.

Three, being the “best” implies some longevity, so the listed bands and their music  have stood the test of time, even if, in some cases, the band members haven’t.  So even though the Foo Fighters is one of the strongest rock bands out there right now, they still don’t make the cut based on this criteria.  Sorry, Grohl and crew, check back in about 10 more years.

Let’s start with 7:

#7: Lynyrd Skynyrd

"Play some Skynyrd, man!"

The case for: Come on, they gave us “Free Bird.” Every rock concert you’ll ever go to,  some drunk who thinks he’s being clever will call out for that epic ode to leaving a woman behind because a man’s gotta be a man.  Skynyrd also gave us “Sweet Home, Alabama“, “Gimme Three Steps“, “Simple Man“, “What’s Your Name?” and, well, “That Smell” is also considered a hit.  Ronnie Van Zant’s death in a plane crash prematurely stalled Skynryd’s legacy, though his brother Johnny now fronts the band today as they continue to tour and record albums.

Why aren’t they higher on the list?: If  you want to listen to southern rock, you start and end with Skynyrd.  But they’re also not an archetypal rock band because of their southern sound.  Much of their music is slower-paced, more bluesy, and while rock and roll definitely has its roots in the blues, most listeners are not going to think of Skynyrd first when they want to rock out.

#6: Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

Who said rock and roll was attractive?

The case for: These guys have been around since the late 70s, and have a string of memorable hits that reflect perhaps the most common topic of rock and roll: women.  “American Girl” was one of their first singles, and would later be followed up by such hits as “Refugee“, “Don’t Do Me Like That“, and “You Got Lucky“, with the biting chorus: “You got lucky, babe,  when I found you.”  That’s rock and roll, people.  Petty would also offer up a couple hits in a solo career, but he’d always come back to his Heartbreakers (though the band’s lineup would change quite often, with the core group of Petty on rhythm and vocals, Mike Campbell on lead guitars, and Stan Lynch on drums remaining consistent).

Why aren’t they higher on the list?: OK, Petty’s not your traditional vocalist – there are those who find his singing a bit off-putting.  And despite the amount of music and the variety they produced, Petty also sang a couple duets with Stevie Nicks, which is not rock, man.  Some might also argue that Petty and the Heartbreakers are a little too dependent on ballads in their catalog, but I’m going to pull the “Traveling Wilburys” card and say that his time spent with Roy Orbison refutes that claim.  Roy was the man.

Tomorrow: Numbers 3 through 5!

Juggernaut [Editor's Note: who will be acting as editor on this post] and I are identical twins – we were born 2 minutes apart [Editor's Note: I'm 2 minutes older] a little over 37 years ago and grew up sharing the same bedroom until we left for separate colleges. (sidenote: our younger brother had his own room, the little bastard. Thanks, Mom and Dad). As twins, we’ve received our fair share of inane questions: “Do you feel it if your brother gets hurt?” (answer: no. Punching myself in my face apparently hurts only me); “Why aren’t your names alliterative?” (answer: because our parents loved us); “You and your brother want to try a threesome?” (answer: actually, we’ve never been asked that before. [Editor's Note: Thank God.] And the answer would be NO – even though Juggernaut’s my brother, that’d STILL be the bad type of threesome).

Beyond the stupid questions, though, I’d still say I’ve enjoyed being a twin, and it’s going to be awfully hard on me when Juggs dies first. I’ll miss him. [Editor's Note: THE ONLY WAY I'M DYING FIRST IS IF YOU KILL ME.] We do have a closer relationship with one another than I think most siblings have (much to our wives’ chagrin), and it’s led to occasional wonderment on the part of our mutual friends when they see us together, which is rare as we live in different cities and Juggernaut seems to think he never has to come visit. [Editor's Note: Unlike some people, demands are made of my time and I don't have summers and every school holiday off.] We do tend to know what we’re going to say or how we’ll react to a given situation. We also have many of the same mannerisms, which is probably to be expected seeing as how we lived in the same room for 18 long years (thanks again, Mom and Dad!). BigRedPoet will tell you that Juggernaut and I are indistinguishable on the phone. BRP once spent a couple minutes talking to Juggernaut thinking he was me as he was driving up to Dallas to meet us for a concert. We don’t intentionally dress alike (in fact, quite the opposite: in school we would go out of our way to make sure we were not wearing similar clothing, which probably accounts for the fact that we rarely fell into the various clothing fads during high school), though one time I returned home from college and walked in the door to find Juggernaut dressed in identical clothing, right down to the brown woven belts we both wore. He immediately changed his shirt. [Editor's Note: Absolutely true story. The family's laughter still rings in my ears.]

The point is that while we’re twins and share the same DNA, we’re different people. [Editor's Note: For example, I outweigh FC by about 40 lbs. I actually spend time in the weight room.] Though just how different is something I wonder about at times, and maybe Juggernaut does, too (psychic link isn’t working right now). [Editor's Note: Not working on his end, apparently.] So I’ve devised a test of a suitably trivial nature in order to satisfy my curiosity about our “connection,” so to speak. Juggernaut and I are going to each individually create a CD containing 20 songs and trade the discs next time we get together. There will be no communication about what songs we’re including, and there will be no list when the discs are traded. There will also be no “rick-rolling.” We each are attempting to give the other a collection of music that we believe the other one will enjoy.

Now, the real question is this: how many of the songs we each select will be the same (if any)? Also, will there be a discernible pattern to the songs in how they’re arranged on the disc? Consider this: both my twin and I have access to over 75,000 songs on our separated-by-150-miles hard drives (b/c a former student loaned me the hard drive of a defunct classic rock station), so it’s not like we’re just selecting music we’ve bought over our lifetimes – we have access to pretty much everything. Also, while both of us are longtime metal heads, we’ve both agreed not to merely give a CD containing 20 Anthrax/Slayer/Metallica/Megadeth songs, no matter how awesome that might be. [Editor's Note: And it WOULD be awesome.]

We’ll each report back once we exchange the discs and have a chance to give some thought as to our selections. [Editor's Note: This sounds suspiciously like a way to force me to write another post.] If nothing else, it should be entertaining to hear what Juggernaut has to say about the songs I’ve selected for him.

Eat...

...drink...

...and relax.

Here’s hoping you did all three.