The Daily Procrastinator

Welcome back to “Beast or Bust?”, the weekly column in which I, BigRedPoet, offer my predictions for the following week’s NFL games in the hope that you can use this information to improve your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who’s projected to score less than 5 points, and who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

Week 2 Beast: Panthers RB DeAngelo Williams

Last year, DeAngelo Williams was an absolute BEAST in the second half of the season, and he carried many fantasy owners into the postseason. He looks to return to those days in week 2. Williams picked up just 37 yards on 14 carries in week one, but that was against an outstanding Eagles DEF. This week, he’ll bounce back against the Falcons. The Atlanta DEF allowed 96 yards on 22 carries in week 1, for an average of 4.4 YPC. If there’s any back in the league who can turn a short gain into a touchdown in the blink of an eye, it’s Williams (or Adrian Peterson). Yahoo projects him to post 12.14 points this week, which would require either 121 combined yards or 61 combined yards and a touchdown. With Delhomme struggling badly at QB and Jonathan Stewart still on the mend, look for DeAngelo to exceed his projections by a mile.

• My Prediction: 90 total yards, 2 TDs

Week 2 Bust: Cowboys RB Marion Barber

I’m going out on a limb, here. I’m also risking the wrath of FlashCap. Yahoo predicts that Barber will score 11.25 points this week, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen. For starters, he’s running against a perennial defensive powerhouse in the New York Giants. In two games against the Cowboys last year, the G-Men held Barber to 56 yards on 26 carries. Ouch. Additionally, Tony Romo was slinging the ball pretty well last week (at least in the second half), and it doesn’t seem likely that he’ll stop. The Cowboys’ change-of-pace back Felix Jones is bad news for Barber, too. Last week, he swiped 6 carries out of Barber’s workload. By theorizing that Barber will gain 5 full points less than his projected 11.25, I’m betting on a pretty miserable day. I might get burned, but I’m going with my gut. FlashCap is welcome to pen a rebuttal.

• My Prediction: 45 yards, no TDs

Week 2 OMG: New Orleans WR Devery Henderson

Henderson is projected for just 4.43 points in week 2, which assumes that he’ll gain 44 yards and not score a touchdown. After watching the Saints in week 1, I’m not willing to predict ANY of their WRs for such a lowly week. Henderson led the team with 103 yards receiving on Sunday, and he also found the end zone. While this week’s opponent, the Eagles, is vastly more powerful on defense than the Lions that Henderson faced in week 1, I still think he can have a good day at WR. With Brees absolutely on fire, I’d start Henderson with confidence.

• My Prediction: 50 yards, 1 TD

I’m all about accountability. Each week, after I offer my predictions, I’ll take credit for the previous week’s success and/or eat crow over last week’s dismal failure.

Week 1 Picks

• Beast: 49ers RB Frank Gore
• Projection: 11.72 points
• Actual: 16.8 points

It wasn’t pretty, but Gore took care of business. He managed just 30 yards on 22 carries, but he crossed the goal line on one of them. The big back also caught 3 passes for 18 yards and another touchdown. In the end, only the fantasy points count. I said he’d exceed his projection by at least 5, and he proved me right. He gained 5.08 points more than Yahoo predicted. I win.

• Bust: Steelers RB Willie Parker
• Projection: 12.94 points
• Actual: 2.4 points

Parker gained just 19 yards on 13 carries in week 1. While his yards-per-carry average is similar to Gore’s, he didn’t manage to stagger across the goal line. He also managed to catch one pass for 5 yards. Overall, Parker fell short of his projection by 10.54 points. I win again.

• OMG: Browns WR Mike Furrey
• Projection: 3.2 points
• Actual: 2.8 points

The Browns’ offense didn’t exactly blow up against the Vikings in week 1. Although Furrey got a share of looks and caught four passes, they were all for relatively short gains, and he totaled just 28 yards on the day. I consider him a decent play heading forward, but he didn’t deliver the “unexpected and outstanding performance” I had hoped for. I lose.

• BRP’s Win/Loss Ratio: 2/1

Yes, you read the title of this post correctly. In the past 48 hours, procrastinators, I have discovered the sad truth: I am not manly enough for yoga.

I have to preface this story with a little background. Last January, I resolved to become the “SomewhatLessBigRedPoet.” Thus far, it’s been going pretty well. I’ve changed the way I eat, and I try to work out at least occasionally. When I first started on this mission, I ran four or five days every week. I quickly discovered that my knees and ankles didn’t appreciate the impact of feet on concrete, so I gave up on running and just redoubled my efforts to eat healthy. All went well, and I reached a weight that I’m really happy with.

Now, I want to tone up. Weighing less is good, but weighing less and looking sexy would be even better. Conveniently, my mother is a big supporter of my efforts to get in shape, and about a two months ago, she sent me one of those sets of workout DVDs that are advertised on obscure television channels in the middle of the day. On Saturday morning, I opened the DVDs for the first time.

There are a dozen discs in the set, and many of them have intimidating titles like “Ab Ripper.” I flipped through them with some trepidation until I saw a disc called “Yoga.” Immediately, visions of thin, meditative, far Eastern men flashed to mind. Aha, I thought to myself, Yoga. This will be a nice, easy way to slowly immerse myself back into the world of working out.

Wrong.

After practicing the positions Downward Facing Dog, Warrior 1, Warrior 2, Reverse Warrior, and Runner’s Pose, my entire body hurts. I have pain in places where I didn’t even know I had muscles. After some tentative inquiries on Google, it seems I may acquainted myself with such positions as Groin Pull and Strained Oblique.

Behold: the Downward Facing Dog. I'm not sure it looks like this when I do it.

As I shambled up the stairs to work this morning, I’m sure the look on my face was similar to the face I might make while simultaneously hitting my thumb with a hammer and passing a kidney stone. It couldn’t have been pretty. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there’s a little voice that keeps saying, That soreness is PROGRESS. It means you had a good workout, but you need to work a little harder. I hate that voice.

Still, the voice is right. I don’t think I’ll go back to yoga just yet, though. Maybe I’ll try the “Ab Ripper.” What’s the worst that could happen?

This is part 4 of a series of posts looking back at the Marvel/Epic Comics title “The Alien Legion.”

The end of volume one of The Alien Legion would come with the publication of issue 20, much to the surprise of readers.  No warning had been given in the pages of the comic that the series would end, and the letters pages continued to respond to fans’ ideas and praise as if the writers had no end in sight for Nomad Squadron.  Epic had even seen the publication of Alien Legion’s first graphic novel.

Of course, this was the mid-80s, long before the internet would come along and allow comics readers to know about upcoming titles, plot lines, and cancellations.  We were tougher back then, not as spoiled as today’s comic readers – and we all walked three miles uphill in the snow each week for our pull lists – so we were able to blithely read each issue, always sure that we’d see more of Jugger and Sarigar next month.

Perhaps fans should have seen the cancellation coming, though. The last few issues of volume one, admittedly, fell into a bit of a rut, as Nomad Squadron would land on a planet, face a hostile indigenous race, blast the hell out of them because they had no other options, and in the process lose an occasional legionnaire here or there.

It was during this last stretch that the writers would finally introduce female legionnaires, too.  There had been many letters questioning the lack of females in the Legion (and also many saying “keep ‘em out”), and by the time issue 16 came around Nomad Squadron  and readers were introduced to Tamara, a new recruit who is easy on the eyes, but hard on the jaw:

It was, in my opinion, a testament to the writers that they took fan input seriously.  I don’t know that today’s Marvel or DC would adjust their story lines as significantly (hell, even at all) as Epic did, and not make it a patronizing gesture.  Far from it – Tamara would be put through her paces through the next four issues, holding her own and then some when compared with regulars Jugger, Torqa Dun, and Zeerod.  Still, the change in the status quo (and the scenery) wasn’t quite enough to keep The Alien Legion going, and, after a twentieth issue that saw the members of Nomad Squadron forced to hunt one of their own for desertion, with an unsettling conclusion, the letters page closed out with a brief note that surely stunned readers:

The shock wore off quickly, though, as those madcaps at Epic had included another box just below that one:

And so the loyal readers were promised a new Alien Legion series, featuring some familiar faces, and even more new ones, and, as they say, an all new format.   But how would this second volume compare with the first?  Come back next Thursday to find out…

Greetings, procrastinators! After a lengthy summer absence, I’ve returned to The Daily Procrastinator. I hope each of you shirked your responsibilities effectively while I was away shirking mine.

Welcome to the first-ever edition of “Beast or Bust?”, a weekly feature in which I, Big Red Poet, will offer some predictions, advice, and general thoughts about the week’s upcoming NFL games. My hope is that you’ll be able to use this advice to benefit your fantasy football team.

For the purposes of this feature, I will make reference to Yahoo’s projected statistics. Luckily, I don’t expect statistics to vary much between fantasy football sites, so non-Yahoo users aren’t left out in the cold. Your “Beast” will be a player who I expect to exceed his projections by at least 5 points, and your “Bust” will be a player who I predict will come up at least 5 points short of what’s expected. I’ll also toss in an “OMG” pick each week; this will be a player who will rise from relative obscurity to deliver an unexpected and outstanding performance. If the NFL slate for the week is particularly juicy, I might predict multiple players in any or all of those categories.

Week 1 Beast:49ers RB Frank Gore

Gore’s projections for this week theorize that he’ll earn 11.72 fantasy points, which would require only 117 combined yards or 57 combined yards and a touchdown. He’s going to blow those numbers away. As one of the few remaining true “featured backs” in the NFL, Gore will carry the ball almost constantly. 49ers QB Shaun Hill is serviceable, but he’s no rock star. This is still Gore’s offense. Did I mention that he’s a tough goal-line runner, too? Between carrying the ball 20+ times and serving as Hill’s checkdown option, I’m guessing Gore will get close to 30 touches on Sunday. That’ll easily be enough to far outgain the 11.72 fantasy points Yahoo predicts for him.

• My predictions: 105 total yards, 1-2 touchdowns

Week 1 Bust: Steelers RB Willie Parker

Parker is projected to score 12.94 fantasy points, which requires him to gain 130 combined rushing and receiving yards or gain 70 combined yards and score a touchdown. I don’t buy it. For starters, he’s been nursing a hamstring injury that limited him to exactly four carries in the preseason. It doesn’t seem likely that he’s reached game speed. Additionally, Parker is coming off the lowest-scoring season of his career (791 yards). Meanwhile, up-and-coming star Rashard Mendenhall will make his presence known in the Pittsburgh backfield, and he could cut into Parker’s carries considerably if he performs well. The worst news for Parker, though, is Pittsburgh’s week 1 opponent, the Tennessee Titans. A perennial defensive powerhouse, the Titans held Parker to 31 yards on 19 carries when they met last season. He’s not likely to get stuffed that badly again, but Parker isn’t going to post the 12.94 points Yahoo is projecting.

• My predictions: 78 yards, no touchdowns

Week 1 OMG:Browns WR Mike Furrey

Last year, Braylon Edwards couldn’t catch a cold, much less a football. (Maybe he should use those hoagie-catching gloves Andre Johnson hawks on TV.) In the offseason, Donte Stallworth got himself into a bit of legal trouble. In an effort to beef up their receiving corps a bit, the Browns have picked up veteran Mike Furrey. Furrey runs some pretty nifty routes, and he’s only a few years removed from a rock-solid season in Detroit. The Browns face the daunting Vikings defense this weekend, and old man Jamal Lewis isn’t going to see an inch of daylight. The Cleveland QB (whoever he is…the coaching staff hasn’t announced a starter yet) will have to go to the air often. Furrey is going to get his share of looks. Projected for just 32 yards, I suspect the bearded veteran to deliver a surprise performance. He’s not going to carry your team to victory single-handed, but he’ll be a solid WR3 play.

• My predictions: 75 yards

Well, procrastinators, there you have ‘em…your Beast, your Bust, and your OMG. I invite you to praise my wisdom, ridicule my ignorance, or offer your own predictions in the comment section.

I’ll gloat and/or eat crow next week when I deliver my thoughts on week 2.

FlashCap and Juggernaut are identical twins. This does not mean, however, that they are exactly alike. What follows is an online conversation between the two brothers that, had they been in the same room at the time it was occurring, probably would have devolved into a fistfight. Thank God for the internet.

Message Board Thread: “Your POS Politician of the Week”

Juggernaut: Stay classy, Van Jones:

***

FlashCap: Geez, sounded like a joke to me. And that he’s playing to a largely Democratic crowd. I’m sure NOTHING like this has EVER happened at a Republican meeting.

/this was not your best one, J.

***

J: Wrong.

J provides link to Van Jones’ apology

***

FC: Oh, bullshit. Here’s his very next line:

“Well, the answer to that is, they’re assholes,” Jones said, to uproarious laughter. “That’s a technical, political science term.”

It’s a joke. And plenty of people beyond politicians have been forced to apologize for jokes. Come on, J, get real.

***

J: Noticeably absent from his apology were the words, “It was a bad joke.” Or “It was a poor attempt at humor.” Or any other explanation that supports your belief that this was a joke. To this end, I’d be more willing to take it as a “joke” if he had said, “but so are most everybody in DC” or “and the Democrats ain’t much better.” But no: he limited to Republicans, using the term as an insult, then defined himself as an asshole as if it were some kind of badge of honor (but of course, Obama isn’t).

Without having this devolve into one of our patented online fights, you have got to understand that there are people on the far left that believe this. They’re radicals. They’re lifers. They’ve drunk the kool-aid. And they are part of the problem. And this guy is one of them. Do you know anything about this guy?

Of course there are people on the other wing that are equally as nasty/classless (Ann Coulter, anyone? Or is she just joking?). And I’ll call them out if I notice them. But this guy made the list as a POS for the comment.

***

FC: But he did call himself an asshole, in the exact same way as he used it to describe Republicans, so by your logic he’s got an extreme problem with self-loathing. I don’t buy it.

***

J: Did you even read my post?

***

FC: Yes, and I obviously don’t agree with you. I think that’s obvious with my post, isn’t it?

***

J: The only thing obvious is that you’re being an apologist for this guy. And you have not responded to anything in my last post except to make something up about his mental state.

***

FC: J, the guy said “I can be an asshole, too.” In my experience, people who refer to themselves as assholes are saying they can be obstinate and unwilling to compromise. Guess how this guy feels some Republicans are being? He appropriates the same term he used for Republicans and uses it on himself.

He said something that got laughs – he then said that “asshole” is the “technical, political science term” for it. Another joke. More laughs. He then calls himself an asshole. More laughs.

Hey, by the way, when did you call out Bush for his “rudeness” here? Or are you gonna be an apologist for Bush? I’m thinking I remember everyone (family; friends) laughing about it – including me.

FC provides link to Bush calling a reporter an asshole.

***

FC: And here’s Bush’s comments about it:

President Bush was subsequently criticized both for the remark itself and for the way the fallout from it was handled. When his aides were questioned about the “asshole” comment, rather than offering the candidate’s apologies for what he had said, they instead defended the remark, attributing it to justifiable ire over particular items Clymer had written about Bush’s career as Governor of Texas. “There’s been a series of articles [by Clymer] that the governor has felt have been very unfair,” said Bush’s communications director, Karen Hughes.

When directly asked about his remark, Mr. Bush responded, “I regret that a private comment I made to the vice-presidential candidate made it into the public airwaves,” which was not an apology. When pressed as to whether he would apologize, he replied, “I was making a comment to . . . Cheney. I didn’t realize, obviously, the mikes were going to pick it up.”

Not even an apology for using the term. Stay classy, President Bush.

***

J: If you can’t see or acknowledge the difference between these two scenarios, you are either blind or being willfully obstinate.

***

FC: I have no idea how these two scenarios are different except for the R and D labels, which apparently makes all the difference for you.

***

J: That’s crap and you know it.

Let me point out the two obvious differences since you refuse to acknowledge them:

1) Bush’s comment was directed at a specific individual for specific cause. Are you familiar with Clymer’s articles? Or are you just going on the basis of the use of the word “asshole”?

Meanwhile, Jones’ comment was a categorical characterization of all Republicans because . . . um, because he doesn’t like the fact that Republicans haven’t rolled over to Obama’s agenda? Nice.

2) Bush’s comment was not meant for public broadcast (but shit happens). Jones’ comment was made during a public presentation while being videotaped.

You know I am not a fan of Bush. But I sure as hell can appreciate calling someone an asshole when they wrong you. And surely you can, too.

***

FC: it’s because he’s black, isn’t it?

***

J: LOL

If you’re a creative type, and you haven’t yet discovered this, I highly recommend that you spend some time over at Accidental Creative. The Manifesto alone is excellent. Todd Henry spoke at a recent conference, and had a quote that really stuck with me: “Are you making the music, or are you a cover band?”

Here’s to making the music, kids.

This is part 3 of a series of posts looking back at the Marvel/Epic Comics title “The Alien Legion.”

The early issues of volume one would see Potts and Zelenetz experimenting a bit with the story-telling, tacking on an epilogue to the main story which would add further detail to a particular plot point seen in the issue.  Oftentimes these epilogues would serve as methods by which we would learn more about a particular character, as seen here where Sarigar is seen apparently deep in thought about something…

This scene would be left behind, with most readers (like myself) probably thinking that Sarigar was tense about the situation his squadron faced.  Come to find out, he was actually thinking about his sister and her betrayal of his trust…

These extra tales would end by issue six, probably because by this point readers were familiar with the main characters and the pages could then be used to advance the main plot.

Force Nomad would see a variety of adventures in this first run, and they really started hitting a stride by issue 7, where Nomad finds itself escorting a pair of magistrates back to the judiciary, though several members hold grudges against a figure they view as nosy and unappreciative of their efforts to recover a bomb from the Harkilons.  And probably not a coincidence, it’s issue 7 where the until now little seen Jugger Grimrod really starts to take center stage.  And it’s not because of his winning personality…

Jugger would probably be recognized as the Wolverine of this team: a violent loner who doesn’t have much use for authority figures, though unlike Wolverine Grimrod has no real moral code except to look out for himself.  This arc would really bring Grimrod into the limelight as a force to be reckoned with in Nomad, and he would continue to be a central character throughout the series, and particularly in the second volume a couple years later.

After the magistrate’s introduction to some of Nomad, the ship ends up being attacked by the Harkilons, and after both ships suffer damage, both Nomad and the Harkilons end up crashlanding on a nearby planet.  Jugger comes close to killing the magistrate who could identify him as an escaped murderer, but the Harkilons end up capturing and torturing him for information about the location of the Legionnaire’s ship, as their craft is beyond repair.  Jugger refuses to talk, but the crafty Harkilons allow him to believe he escapes after having secretly implanted a bug on his person, very similar to when the Imperials traced the Millenium Falcon back to the Rebel Base in the first Star Wars.

One of Grimrod’s character defining moments comes in the middle of a Harkilon ambush, where just before he and another legionnaire named Mescad come across the heavily wounded Bospor.  Jugger attempts to convince Mescad to cut and run, leaving the Bospor behind to die, while Mescad struggles with the idea:

Mescad eventually decides that Jugger is right, though it weighs on his conscience.  As for the Bospor, well, the Bospor doesn’t make it…

This storyline would eventually see Nomad Squadron  join forces with the Harkilons to fight a more dangerous indigenous life form on the planet.  This decision would have repercussions that would reverberate throughout the rest of the volume one, as we’ll see next week.

Next Thursday: the end of Volume One…

Plenty of sites and magazines give previews of the new television shows hitting the airwaves each season. The DP isn’t one of them. No, the DP has no access to previews or screenings of these shows, and because of this we don’t feel an obligation to be nice when talking about the recycled, tired garbage the networks are going to be attempting to foist on us this fall. We have something better than previews, though: instinct. And we’re here to tell you which new shows you should pay attention to, and, more importantly, which shows not to get emotionally attached to, because they’re not long for this world (Trauma is already hemorrhaging).

A few caveats here: 1) I’m not looking at HBO shows – no real reason why, except those fuckers are responsible for True Blood and I’m getting sick of hearing/reading about that soap opera (that’s all it is, people – a soap with mythological characters, Rogue getting naked, and bad accents). 2) No reality shows are being mentioned. They thrive on appealing to the lowest common denominator, and I’ve found the LCD always manages to surprise me with their poor taste. And 3) I’m not mentioning actors in the series unless for some reason its pertinent to my prediction…or if there’s a good pic of an actress available.

So let’s start with CBS’s new shows:

Accidentally on Purpose – Mondays, 8:30/9:30

Stop me if you’ve heard this storyline before – a babe gets knocked up by someone who would normally not be on her radar, and then they decide to keep the kid and see where that takes them. Yeah, it’s stolen from Knocked Up, though it throws in another love interest for the girl. Whoop-de-doo. This is attempting to draw in the HIMYM and Big Bang Theory crowd, so it’s got a chance, but I’m betting that crowd has seen Knocked Up too and won’t feel the need to see a serialized small screen version.

The Good Wife – Tues. 9/10

The wife of a shady politician has to go back to work at a law firm when her husband goes to jail. Topical, and I really like Julianna Margulies, but the point about her working at a law firm leaves me cold. Too many damn shows out there with the court system, and I’m sure there will be a lot of emotional cases Margulies will get involved in: abused children, battered wives, etc., so it will become a courtroom drama. And dramas focused on leading women haven’t traditionally lasted on the Big Three (Providence, The Ghost Whisperer, …ok, that’s all I’ve got).

NCIS: LA – Tuesdays, 9/8

Can anyone actually watch Chris O’Donnell for a straight hour? His movie career says “NO.” LL Cool J is also part of the cast of this criminal investigation drama – yes, another one (which makes, what, 15 such shows, 8 of them with the letters “CSI” in them?) – and without Mark Harmon this time there goes the moms over 35 audience. But CBS is pretty good about marketing its crime shows, and with the names attached it’ll get at least two seasons. But I’ll be damned if you’ll be able to find anyone who admits to watching it.

Three Rivers – Sundays, 9/8

A medical drama revolving around transplant doctors. A tear-jerker to be sure, but it’s locked into a limited formula from the get-go. They’ll be telling stories from three perspectives (doctors, patient, donor), so there will be a lot of human interest, but CBS has not faired well with medical dramas since Chicago Hope which ended in 2000 ( L.A Doctors and City of Angels both might as well have been DOA). Still, CBS audiences tend to like limited formulas, and with the passing of ER, and the fact that older audiences probably find House too edgy, I’ll say the network finally will have an established medical drama to hang its hat on.

Next time: NBC’s new shows