The Daily Procrastinator

Let’s face it, almost any “greatest band ever” list ends up with the Beatles.  Or Led Zeppelin, depending on what year it is and whether BRP had a say in it.  To avoid this, the DP is going to add another adjective to the list: American.

For those about to rock! (dammit, they're Australian!)

That’s right, forget about your Day Tripping Fab Four, leave behind those “Dazed and Confused” British heavyweights (it’s been a long time since they’ve rock and rolled), and we’re certainly not going to get any Satisfaction from Mick Jagger’s limey crew:  which red-blooded American rock and roll band is worthy of being labeled the best?  Over the next few days, the DP is going to count down the top 7 American Rock Bands (why 7?  Because 10′s too corporate!).  Get your righteous indignation ready, people!

Now, before starting the list, there are some limitations.  One, this isn’t a heavy metal list, so Metallica won’t be on it. We’re talking rock, driven by a rebellious attitude and bluesy back beats (and often hard liquor).  Two, by “band” it means a largely set group of musicians (though lineup changes can occur), each with a more or less clearly defined role in the band: guitars, bass, drummer and singer, though a singer could definitely play a guitar or the bass.

NOT ON THE LIST.

Three, being the “best” implies some longevity, so the listed bands and their music  have stood the test of time, even if, in some cases, the band members haven’t.  So even though the Foo Fighters is one of the strongest rock bands out there right now, they still don’t make the cut based on this criteria.  Sorry, Grohl and crew, check back in about 10 more years.

Let’s start with 7:

#7: Lynyrd Skynyrd

"Play some Skynyrd, man!"

The case for: Come on, they gave us “Free Bird.” Every rock concert you’ll ever go to,  some drunk who thinks he’s being clever will call out for that epic ode to leaving a woman behind because a man’s gotta be a man.  Skynyrd also gave us “Sweet Home, Alabama“, “Gimme Three Steps“, “Simple Man“, “What’s Your Name?” and, well, “That Smell” is also considered a hit.  Ronnie Van Zant’s death in a plane crash prematurely stalled Skynryd’s legacy, though his brother Johnny now fronts the band today as they continue to tour and record albums.

Why aren’t they higher on the list?: If  you want to listen to southern rock, you start and end with Skynyrd.  But they’re also not an archetypal rock band because of their southern sound.  Much of their music is slower-paced, more bluesy, and while rock and roll definitely has its roots in the blues, most listeners are not going to think of Skynyrd first when they want to rock out.

#6: Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

Who said rock and roll was attractive?

The case for: These guys have been around since the late 70s, and have a string of memorable hits that reflect perhaps the most common topic of rock and roll: women.  “American Girl” was one of their first singles, and would later be followed up by such hits as “Refugee“, “Don’t Do Me Like That“, and “You Got Lucky“, with the biting chorus: “You got lucky, babe,  when I found you.”  That’s rock and roll, people.  Petty would also offer up a couple hits in a solo career, but he’d always come back to his Heartbreakers (though the band’s lineup would change quite often, with the core group of Petty on rhythm and vocals, Mike Campbell on lead guitars, and Stan Lynch on drums remaining consistent).

Why aren’t they higher on the list?: OK, Petty’s not your traditional vocalist – there are those who find his singing a bit off-putting.  And despite the amount of music and the variety they produced, Petty also sang a couple duets with Stevie Nicks, which is not rock, man.  Some might also argue that Petty and the Heartbreakers are a little too dependent on ballads in their catalog, but I’m going to pull the “Traveling Wilburys” card and say that his time spent with Roy Orbison refutes that claim.  Roy was the man.

Tomorrow: Numbers 3 through 5!

Juggernaut [Editor's Note: who will be acting as editor on this post] and I are identical twins – we were born 2 minutes apart [Editor's Note: I'm 2 minutes older] a little over 37 years ago and grew up sharing the same bedroom until we left for separate colleges. (sidenote: our younger brother had his own room, the little bastard. Thanks, Mom and Dad). As twins, we’ve received our fair share of inane questions: “Do you feel it if your brother gets hurt?” (answer: no. Punching myself in my face apparently hurts only me); “Why aren’t your names alliterative?” (answer: because our parents loved us); “You and your brother want to try a threesome?” (answer: actually, we’ve never been asked that before. [Editor's Note: Thank God.] And the answer would be NO – even though Juggernaut’s my brother, that’d STILL be the bad type of threesome).

Beyond the stupid questions, though, I’d still say I’ve enjoyed being a twin, and it’s going to be awfully hard on me when Juggs dies first. I’ll miss him. [Editor's Note: THE ONLY WAY I'M DYING FIRST IS IF YOU KILL ME.] We do have a closer relationship with one another than I think most siblings have (much to our wives’ chagrin), and it’s led to occasional wonderment on the part of our mutual friends when they see us together, which is rare as we live in different cities and Juggernaut seems to think he never has to come visit. [Editor's Note: Unlike some people, demands are made of my time and I don't have summers and every school holiday off.] We do tend to know what we’re going to say or how we’ll react to a given situation. We also have many of the same mannerisms, which is probably to be expected seeing as how we lived in the same room for 18 long years (thanks again, Mom and Dad!). BigRedPoet will tell you that Juggernaut and I are indistinguishable on the phone. BRP once spent a couple minutes talking to Juggernaut thinking he was me as he was driving up to Dallas to meet us for a concert. We don’t intentionally dress alike (in fact, quite the opposite: in school we would go out of our way to make sure we were not wearing similar clothing, which probably accounts for the fact that we rarely fell into the various clothing fads during high school), though one time I returned home from college and walked in the door to find Juggernaut dressed in identical clothing, right down to the brown woven belts we both wore. He immediately changed his shirt. [Editor's Note: Absolutely true story. The family's laughter still rings in my ears.]

The point is that while we’re twins and share the same DNA, we’re different people. [Editor's Note: For example, I outweigh FC by about 40 lbs. I actually spend time in the weight room.] Though just how different is something I wonder about at times, and maybe Juggernaut does, too (psychic link isn’t working right now). [Editor's Note: Not working on his end, apparently.] So I’ve devised a test of a suitably trivial nature in order to satisfy my curiosity about our “connection,” so to speak. Juggernaut and I are going to each individually create a CD containing 20 songs and trade the discs next time we get together. There will be no communication about what songs we’re including, and there will be no list when the discs are traded. There will also be no “rick-rolling.” We each are attempting to give the other a collection of music that we believe the other one will enjoy.

Now, the real question is this: how many of the songs we each select will be the same (if any)? Also, will there be a discernible pattern to the songs in how they’re arranged on the disc? Consider this: both my twin and I have access to over 75,000 songs on our separated-by-150-miles hard drives (b/c a former student loaned me the hard drive of a defunct classic rock station), so it’s not like we’re just selecting music we’ve bought over our lifetimes – we have access to pretty much everything. Also, while both of us are longtime metal heads, we’ve both agreed not to merely give a CD containing 20 Anthrax/Slayer/Metallica/Megadeth songs, no matter how awesome that might be. [Editor's Note: And it WOULD be awesome.]

We’ll each report back once we exchange the discs and have a chance to give some thought as to our selections. [Editor's Note: This sounds suspiciously like a way to force me to write another post.] If nothing else, it should be entertaining to hear what Juggernaut has to say about the songs I’ve selected for him.

Dear Procrastinators,

The big E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) is going on this week. Microsoft, Sony & Nintendo all announced their new gaming technologies:

Sony: Wii-like controller

Nintendo: A new, more accurate, Wii controller

Microsoft: NO CONTROLLER NEEDED

Look ma, no hands!

It is obvious that Microsoft is the clear winner here.  Now you won’t even need to find (much less pick up) your controller to start playing.  You will just walk in front of your TV,  be recognized by the system  and start playing, Minority Report style.  You may even get some exercise from moving around as you make the on-screen character follow your moves.

But that will require work and effort, and therefore runs counter to everything this site believes in.

Fortunately, Procrastinators, I have a solution.   And it will be a reality in just a few years.

Researchers at Emotiv have figured out how to control objects on screen using brainwaves.  Imagine just thinking what your character should do and having it respond, all from the comfort of your couch with nary a need to lift a finger.   Shoot the bad guy?  Think it.  Pass the ball to T.O. in Madden? Think it. Exercise on your wii board? Think it.

This, my friends, is the future of gaming.

I’m originally from Philadelphia, and now that I’ve spent a decade living in California, I’m astonished by how horrible my Back-East Eating Habits are.

I’ve been living in Eastern Daylight Time since late night Saturday, and have consumed, on average, 13,240,000 calories per day.  I have eaten:

• Ham & cheese omelette with a side of pancakes and plenty of syrup
• Iced lemon pound cake… for breakfast
• A sandwich slathered in blue cheese dressing, with a side of chips
• Canneloni in cream sauce
• French toast, sausage, bacon, pancakes and fruit salad (guilt begins to set in)
• Ham & cheese sandwich and fruit salad (guilt becomes more intense)
• Vegetarian burrito bowl from Chipotle (not the worst thing ever)
• Chocolate… and chocolate
• Donuts
• Horrible pizza
• Chocolate
• A deep-fried chicken sandwich with wing sauce, ranch dressing and fries
• More donuts

I still haven’t had any cheesesteaks, hoagies, soft pretzels, Tastykakes, good pizza or any other fat and calorie-laden favorites, so I have all of that to look forward to tomorrow and Thursday.  If I can make it back to California on the 10th with even one pair of pants that can still button, it will be a miracle.