The Daily Procrastinator

Today marked my annual “if it’s mid-May, it must be jury duty” day. You think I’m kidding about it being annual? The last three years have been May 15, 2007, May 13, 2008 and May 18, 2009. I could plan my entire year around it.

Nobody came dressed like this, but there was the girl in a knit cap that inexplicably resembled a green wool version of Leia's hair from the original Star Wars.

Now, the weird thing is that I know no one who gets called more often than I do. Even in the same county, friends often go three or four years between jury summons. This has made me quite anxious to find ways to get out of it. Civic duty or no civic duty, this has become an unreasonable nuisance.

I might also add that today’s visit to the courthouse in Oakland was made even more special by the loud groups of bullhorn-toting protesters and police officers with riot gear since the officer involved with the BART shooting was scheduled for a court appearance this morning. Nothing like starting your day with angry protesters shouting at you.

I was fully prepared (well, at least hoping) to be dismissed from a criminal case. My grandfather was chief of police way back when, and I have several friends who are cops. I was fully prepared to tell them that these relationships would create an inherent bias in favor of practically any testifying police officer.

Instead, much to my horror, I got called in for an individual’s lawsuit against a large chemical company (malignant mesothelioma from asbestos exposure) which, even from the 3-minute intros, sounded like it had big gaping holes in it. This I was not prepared for.

Observation #1: with everyone dressed in black suits, the legal teams looked like members of a funeral procession. Observation #2: the plaintiffs’ attorneys looked like they bought their suits at Goodwill, while the chemical company attorneys looked like they were custom-tailored, from their Armani suits to their noses.

Bad sign #1: the juror survey was 42 pages long, required them to read responses off-site for two days, and reconvene in two days. Bad sign #2: the judge announced that the trial should be concluded by July. I grabbed a hardship exemption form and waited in line to discuss my hardship with the judge and the gaggle of attorneys waiting in chambers.

My hardship (aside from self-employment) was a trip back east to see family from 5/30 through 6/10. I was called back to chambers while the judge asked me questions about what I do. Evidently I revealed myself to be just a bit too intelligent and coherent, because she said, “I think you’d be exactly the kind of juror we need on this case, based on your background and your understanding of science and medicine.”

“I was afraid of that,” I replied.

“I’m inclined to tell you to postpone your trip,” she said. “Remember, this is your civic duty.”

I got a huge knot in my stomach, and suddenly my usual keep-my-mouth-shut self kind of erupted. I blurted out, “OK, let’s push aside the money that I’d lose in nonrefundable flights and hotels — which isn’t insignificant. But you mean to tell me that you want me to call my 90-year-old Nana and tell her that I can’t see her until the end of the summer because I’ve been picked for a jury for a mesothelioma trial? The kind of case that law firms advertise about on TV?” The chemical company’s lead tried to contain a laugh that came out as a loud snort that let me know I’d hit a little too close to home.

“Oooooo-k,” said the judge. “I think we’re done here. Thank you for your service.” I skipped out the door, deeply relieved and filled with new knowledge for getting recused from jury duty:

Lesson #1: Form a strong opinion. Voice it loudly. Stick with it. This is the most powerful tool you have.

Lesson #2: Clothing does not appear to play a role in recusal. Of the two people ahead of me — neither one excused — one was dressed in a suit and the other looked like he had just emerged from a halfway house.

Lesson #3: They’re watching you. The assistant counsel for the chemical company was watching us all enter and taking notes. There were head nods and whispers from the plaintiffs’ attorneys. They’re picking favorites from the moment they see you. Do your best to look like you’re the last person on earth that they’d want deciding their case.

Recently, I had the good fortune to discover a talented new musician I’d never even heard of before. I attended an Old Crow Medicine Show concert, and the opening act was a performer named Justin Townes Earle. I dig OCMS, particularly their song Wagon Wheel, and I knew that I was going to love their performance. Discovering Justin Townes Earle, though, was the extremely pleasant surprise of the evening.

Just picture him with a thin, barely discernible mustache.

When Earle first took the stage, I was a little skeptical. He was dressed like a 1950s used car salesman. He wore a high-waisted, pencil-thin fitting suit with zip-up boots. His hair was slicked back like George Clooney’s in O Brother, Where Art Thou, and his mustache was barely a line above his lip. With his guitar slung so high that his belt buckle was visible beneath it, Earle approached the microphone with a nervous, twitchy demeanor that didn’t exactly raise my expectations.

Then he began to play.

Accompanied by only one other musician, who alternated between mandolin, banjo, and harmonica, Earle proceeded to put on a truly impressive display of playing, singing, and songwriting. His sound reminded me of Hank Williams, Sr. and Woody Guthrie with a modern edge. If those two geniuses were still writing songs today, they’d sound like Justin Townes Earle. The lack of percussion lends Earle’s sound an “old-timey” feel that makes me want to stomp my feet and shout “Go, man, go!” while he plays.

Before the show, I had never heard of Justin Townes Earle, so each song was totally unfamiliar to me. I got the feeling that 90% of the people in the crowd were in the same situation. Despite the unfamiliarity, the entire crowd had a blast. We danced, sang along to the choruses, and raised hell between songs.

After the show, I had to find out more about this guy. Upon doing a little reading, I discovered that Justin is the son of Grammy Award winner Steve Earle. I’m impressed that the promotions for the concert didn’t publicize Earle’s connection to his father. He never mentioned it on stage, either. Justin Townes Earle wants to make it on his own, it seems. That’s not to say that he doesn’t give credit where credit is due. In several interviews which I looked up online (here and here), Earle states that his family’s musical history has made him into the performer he is today. He also reveals some interesting details about a rather colorful past.

Further online investigation revealed that Justin Townes Earle has released two full-length alums, The Good Life in 2008, and Midnight At The Movies in 2009. I picked up the two albums as quickly as I could, and I’ve been playing them nonstop in my truck ever since. I started my listening with the more recent album, and so far, my favorite songs are They Killed John Henry (edit from BRP: DAMN, I love this song!), Poor Fool, and Midnight At The Movies. Earle sticks to an old-time feel in his songs, including the old AM radio standard of about three minutes per song, so the albums seem to fly by in a montage of images and sounds. Thus, even though it contains 12 songs, Midnight At The Movies is only about 35 minutes long. Luckily, I don’t mind if it plays again and again.

For those seeking something interesting and original in a sea of cookie-cutter pop music crap, I recommend Justin Townes Earle. The CDs are a refreshing change, and his live show is a boot-stompin’ good time.

According to a Wall Street Journal article, “Microsoft Corp. is developing a new videocamera for the Xbox 360 console that will allow players to control games with the movement of their bodies.” It looks like the Nintendo company’s uber-popular gaming system, Wii, is about to have a little competition. According to the article, a camera is being developed that can sense motion in three dimensions, and this camera is made to be attached to the XBox 360. It will “watch” video game players’ movements and translate them into control of the game.

As an XBox 360 owner, I’m totally psyched about this. The camera, which is supposed to become available in 2010, could revolutionize game play. Imagine using not only your hands but your whole body to control your video game system. Also, unlike the currently available Wii controllers, this camera will free the player from having to hold any kind of controller. It’s completely hands-free.

As a thirty-something, this advancement in video game technology literally stuns me. My first video game system featured games and controllers like these:

I seriously LOVED this game.

The progression from Combat on the Atari 2600 to Assassin’s Creed on XBox 360 is almost unbelievable.

It's so beauuuuutiful.

I thought my copy of Assassin’s Creed was a bad-ass as video games could get. Wrong! Imagine playing this game with full-body control. My mind is boggled by the mere possibility.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to the next generation Toyota Prius. With its distinctive lines… wait, what? Are you serious? That’s not a Prius? But… but… are you sure?

Aside from different lights and a Honda logo, it looks suspiciously like a Prius.

This was exactly how I felt when I spotted what I thought was the next generation Prius on the highway. From the distinctive wedge-shaped lines to the same hatchback, there’s nothing at all that would indicate that this isn’t a Toyota… until you get close enough to see the logo.

I was blown away by this. Wouldn’t Honda want their car to be distinctive? Different? I realize that there’s a reason for the design — maximum interior space combined with sleek aerodynamics — but the similarities give an eerie impression that all cars will look identical going forward. If you’re interested in a hybrid, I hope you like the wedge-shaped look.

Will the real Prius please stand up?

See for yourself. This is the 2010 Prius. Would you be able to tell these cars apart at a glance?

Personally, I’m still hoping for a surprising cash windfall as I hold out for the Tesla.

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One of the great mysteries of life has been solved. Namely, we now have a way to protect our bananas. According to the product’s website, The Banana Saver is “designed to protect individual bananas on the go from getting bruised until time of consumption.” This is going to revolutionize America’s lunchtime habits.

What a great idea! It's such a sleek, slim, non-suggestive shape!

Imagine the joy this simple device could bring. Imagine smiling women everywhere withdrawing their Banana Savers from their handbags when lunch break finally rolls around and leaving their offices to enjoy a little treat. Imagine them returning to their desks, satisfied and ready to take on the afternoon’s work.

Here's what it looks like when it's upright.

You can buy this amazing device at any number of internet retailers. Rush out and get yours today! No batteries required.

Like most kids who were school-age in the 1980s, I was a huge fan of the Space Shuttle. At the time, we watched every launch and every landing with excitement and a hint of reverence. Astronauts! A reusable space vehicle that launches like a rocket and lands like a glider! Genius!

Well past my childhood years, I'm still in awe of the Shuttle.

This was magical technology. Watching the Shuttle, you could easily imagine the day where shuttle orbiter technology and airplanes would somehow meet in the middle, making space travel possible for everyone. It was a sci-fi lover’s dream.

I watched Atlantis launch today on its mission to repair the Hubble space telescope again. I never cease to be amazed by the process, watching the engines fire, the shuttle lift off, and listening to mission control communicate with the astronauts.

I look at the next generation that will replace the Shuttle, the Orion capsule. I’m sure that it’s solid technology, but there’s something so deeply uninspired about returning to a glorified Apollo capsule. The sense of cutting-edge advancement is gone. And I find myself wondering if the next generation of kids is going to grow up feeling the same sense of awe for NASA that we did.

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Just when I think I’m out, you pull me back in!

Hello, my name is FlashCap, and I have an action figure problem. For the past six or so years I’ve been collecting the Marvel Legends line of figures, first under the Toybiz line and then under Hasbro when Legends switched hands back in 2007. I’ve amassed around 50 or so Marvel superhero figures, most of which were at one time or another Avengers. Check out some pics here.

Yeah, that's entirely too much money on those shelves. I'm sorry.

The Hasbro figures’ quality wasn’t close to that of the line while under ToyBiz, and this difference, along with rising oil prices led to what I can only believe to be the demise of the 6″ Legends line. Hasbro also announced plans for a new 3″ figure line they would call “Marvel Universe.” I didn’t think much about them b/c my collection dwarfed this new series, so I thought my figure collecting had come to an end.

Then the damned figures started appearing on the shelves at the local Wal-Mart.

I kept thinking they looked pretty good. The detailing was a heck of a lot better than the Hasbro figures’, and the variety of figures that would be available would eventually surpass the Legends line. Plus there was a kick-ass, modern-costumed Iron Fist:

The First Temptation of FlashCap.

But still I resisted their siren song. I even found a Captain America and put it back after carrying it around Wal-Mart for awhile. I just couldn’t.

But about two weeks ago, I finally pulled the trigger. I was walking through Wal-Mart and noticed the Wolverine: Origins figures. Normally I wouldn’t give those a second thought but I noticed they had a “comic series” – they had a Deadpool.

This damned figure doomed me.

I caved like Cookie Monster at a Chips Ahoy packaging factory. Two days later, I went back and bought Captain America and Iron Fist from the Marvel Universe line. I also grabbed a Spider-Man. The following day I bought a Ms. Marvel, Silver Surfer, and Ronin from the local Target, which I found had a bigger selection. A week later, I returned and picked up the Hulk, Black Panther, and the Punisher.

I’m now planning on moving my 6″ Marvel Legends figures to a display case I have in my room, and start putting the 3″ figures on my shelves. I’ve already bought 50 clear plastic peg stands to do so.

Help me. Please?

Welcome, procrastinators. Here’s hoping you came through the swine flu “crisis” unscathed. We here at The Daily Procrastinator are absolutely shocked at the events of the past couple weeks. Who would have thought that the media would blow something out of proportion? Who would have believed that Americans would swallow such an exaggeration hook, line, and sinker, and react with irrational panic? Who could have forseen that it was all really no big deal? It was truly a week of unexpected events. Lucky for you, it was also another week of fantastic content on TDP. Unless you’re quarantined with the imaginary flu, you should make SURE you don’t miss a thing.

Monday: For reasons that will soon be obvious, the 4th of May is an unofficial but widely recognized holiday–a holiday celebrated by movie fans and word-nerds alike.

Tuesday: According to wikipedia, Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Mexican army’s unlikely victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. Each year, Americans honor the brave Mexican soldiers by blissfully munching nachos and sipping margaritas. The holiday has passed, but TallGirl’s Cinco de Mayo party guide included recipes for margaritas and dip that will be favorites all summer long.

Cats amuse me. Zombies amuse me. This picture is extremely amusing.

Wednesday: TallGirl revealed that she truly deserves to be a zillionaire. After all, she thought up dance-based fitness programs before Zumba before was a nation-wide fitness craze!

Thursday: BigRedPoet gave a review of the Dave Matthews Band show on May 1 at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion in Woodlands, TX. Check out the setlist, thoughts on the performance, and notes on recording the show.

Friday: Continuing the string of wildly unlikely happenings I mentioned in the intro to this weekly wrap-up, TallGirl noted that baseball players use steriods. Can you believe it? Baseball players use steriods! Neither she nor I is amused by this revelation.

Visit The Daily Procrastinator at any of the links above and sign up to receive daily email updates so you never miss an article!

The Daily Procrastinator: Contributing to the Dramatic Reduction of Your Personal Productivity

It’s been a big week for Major League Baseball.  First we heard that A-Rod has “allegedly” been using steroids since he was a teenager, and now Manny Ramirez gets a 50-game suspension for testing positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG, which can be used to boost testosterone levels (he swears he wasn’t cheating, but it’s only real legitimate use is in boys with delayed puberty; at 36 he’s well past his awkward teen years).

A beautiful day to get juiced at the ballpark.

If you listen to the sports buzz, you’d think that this was all a startling revelation.  You’d think that the journalism that brought us the A-Rod story was risk-taking and cutting edge.  You’d think that Major League Baseball was taking a hard line against doping.

You’ll forgive me if all that I can manage is sarcastic “woohoo.” 

This is all coming two decades too late.  Impossible, you say?  My grandmother, a rabid baseball fan who knew just about everyone who passed through Veterans Stadium, was talking steroids with baseball scouts in the early 1990s.  It’s now 2009.  Are we supposed to be surprised by all of this?

I grew up with baseball.  I love baseball for what it meant to my family, my childhood, my history.  But the game that stands before me today is a shadow of its past, a sport that’s been ruined by winks and nods and silently accepted cheating (yes, MLB commissioner Bud Selig and Don Fehr, head of the MLBPA, I’m looking at both of you with my customary sneer of disgust and chronic desire to kick you both in the teeth).

I’m thrilled to death with Manny’s suspension, if for no other reason than my sincere hope that the salary withholdings significantly cut into the income of his agent, Scott Boras, known for negotiating mega-deals for his clients (like A-Rod’s ridiculous $252 million/10 year deal).  Coincidence that he also represents A-Rod?  I think not.  Let’s hope that his drug-fueled gravy train is about to derail.

For some additional reading on the subject, here are some scathing words from the Boston Herald.  

On May 1, The Dave Matthews Band played before a packed Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion in Woodlands, TX. Among the concert-goers were Pre, who you may remember from St. Patrick’s Day, Mrs. Pre, NewGuy, NewGirl, Eggroll, and yours truly, BigRedPoet. I’m not a big DMB fan. In fact, I don’t own a single one of their albums. I am, however, an avid fan of well-played live music. Everyone I know who has seen DMB in concert has always told me that they put on an exciting, tight, improvisational, and musically outstanding performance. With that in mind, when Pre asked me if I wanted to go to the show, I didn’t hesitate.

This is not my photo, but it's pretty much exactly the stage setup the band used in The Woodlands.

After venturing to The Woodlands in a mini-van, we arrived early and met some of Pre’s friends, who had been saving us a great spot in the lawn seats. We were located at the corner where the sidewalk down out of the lawn meets the fence that divides the lawn from the walkway below. In other words, we had front-row seats in the grass. Almost immediately upon getting settled in our spot, I noticed two things…

First, the opening act, The Avett Brothers, was fantastic! Although I didn’t know a single song, they performed with a laid-back, bluegrass-influenced sound and interestingly constructed vocal arrangements that I truly enjoyed.

Second, beer prices ranged from $8 to $9.25, depending upon the brand of beer. $8.00! $9.25! I’m not above spending money on beer, but the roving vendors accepted only cash, which I wasn’t carrying. The concession stands, located at the edges of the amphitheater, accepted credit cards, but I wasn’t about to give up any part of my listening experience to spend 30 minutes walking over there, waiting in line, and walking back. The end result of all this is simple: I saw DMB stone-cold sober.

Once Dave Matthews Band took the stage, they stayed there for close to two and a half hours. Although I know exactly one of the following songs, I’m told it’s an outstanding setlist.

• Don’t Drink The Water
• Stay Or Leave
• Funny The Way It Is
• Spaceman
• Cornbread
• Raven
• Why I Am
• Jimi Thing
• Beach Ball
• Where Are You Going
• Two Step
• Rye Whiskey (Tex Ritter cover)
• Pig
• #41
• Anyone Seen The Bridge
• Too Much <tease>
• Grey Street

Encores:

• Everyday
• Pantala Naga Pampa
• Rapunzel

I didn’t get to sing along much, except when I could pick up the words to a chorus, but I still had a fantastic time. Every musician on the stage played outstandingly. I vividly recall fantastic performances on drums, saxophone (including one guy playing two saxophones at once!), trumpet, guitar, bass, and electric violin. The high point of the show was a song called “Space Man,” which is apparently brand new and will be released on the band’s upcoming album. I predict that the line “Doesn’t everybody deserve to have the good life?” will be all over the radio in the near future.

This is Carter Beauford. He is a beast. He can drum faster than you can drive.

As you may or may not know, The Dave Matthews Band is taper-friendly. Basically, they allow fans to record their concerts, as long as they don’t sell the recordings afterward. Those of you who have been reading The Daily Procrastinator since the beginning will recall that I own an Edirol R-09HR recorder, which is useful for just such an application. Coupled with a directional shotgun microphone, which I borrowed from WrongFoot, I was able to make a pretty good audience recording of the show. This was my first chance to tape a “big” show, and I’m quite pleased with the results!

It pains me that I can’t give a more detailed review of the show, but without a more thorough knowledge of DMB, I’m afraid it’s difficult to speak in specifics. Simply put, this band is good. Really good. Take it from a guy who doesn’t really know their music but still had a blast at the show: DMB is well worth checking out in concert.