The Daily Procrastinator

HEY!  GOOD MORNING!  BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY, ISN’T IT?

How’s that hangover this morning, Big Red Poet?  Before you try to hunt me down and bludgeon me, I want to remind you that I come bearing supposedly tried-and-true hangover cures.  Be nice and I may share them with you.

Let’s start by explaining why you feel so lousy this morning: alcohol.  I can tell by your unintelligible grumbling that you already knew that.  Well, here are more details.  You’re dehydrated.  Thanks to curious little chemical processes that go on in your body, with each drink you actually lose more fluid than you take in.  

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer...

Now, if you’d come looking for advice yesterday, I would have told you that you should chase each drink with a glass of water.  Too late for that now.  This is a recovery mission today, and I’ll give you some suggestions that are widely rumored to work.  As a disclaimer, I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on a blog for procrastinators, but I will spare you the hassle of your own Google search and give you the answers that I’ve gathered from the interwebs.

Gatorade.  Sports drinks aren’t just for athletes.  In much the same way that they replenish glucose and electrolytes for marathon runners, they’ll do the same for your abused body.

Greasy Eggs and Bacon.  I personally can’t handle the eggs on a hangover morning, but there’s definitely benefit to the salt in the bacon.  And really, is there ever a bad time for bacon?

Tripe Soup.  They swear by it in Mexico.  The spices most likely give your brain and body a chance to focus on a different kind of pain.  Either that or the tripe makes you vomit what’s left of last night’s bender.  The sources I’ve seen aren’t very clear on that one.

Hair of the Dog.  Another beer, my dear?  People swear that this is a solution, but the added alcohol will continue to send you down the path of dehydration.

Vitamins.  B6 and B12 the morning after can help to replenish what drinking has taken away.

Over-the-Counter Pain Meds.  Sure, they might work on your headache, but use them wisely.  Those with ibuprofen — Tylenol or Excedrin — can wreak havoc on your liver when mixed with alcohol.

Water, Water and More Water.  Your body needs the hydration, but water alone won’t do the trick.

Water and Chips.  My personal favorite combines the hydration of water with the saltiest bag of chips I can find.  A big bottle of water and bag of BBQ chips from an airport newsstand saved me from my worst hangover in the dry desert air of Las Vegas.  I was startled to discover that I was back to normal in 30 minutes.

Here’s hoping that you’ll find a solution and be able to drag your butt out of bed before noon.  Cheers!